There are so many things that have been happening in my life.. so much stress, both good and bad. But all I know is that God is the ultimate comforter. No matter what, I can always turn to Him and I know that even when I do wrong and fail at things, He is always willing to forgive me and let go.. Start new with me everyday. His mercies are new every morning. I know that when I do wrong, He can help me make it right. When it seems like I have no where else to go and I have made my life ugly and there is no solution, there Jesus is... Saying "THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I DIED ON THAT CROSS FOR, KELS.. TAKE COMFORT IN THE FACT THAT I WILL TURN THIS INTO SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL.."
Thank you, Jesus..
Thank you.
24 December, 2010
08 December, 2010
FREEDOM
I realized that I just like to be free.... Free-spirited.. Free to go where I want when I want... Free to be a mom and free to goof off with my daughter... I love being free to take long drives to nowhere, just enjoying singing with my daughter in the car... I enjoy being free from boundries sometimes.... But what I love the most is being FREE from my sin!!!
I can not thank Jesus enough for how He set me and all of us free.. We don't have to do anything. Just accept it! Have a relationship with Him... The one who created us. In that, we are the most free we can be.... Anyway- just a little snippet of what is going through my head today.
Soon I will update you all with my financial situation and what has been going on in my DTS.
If anyone who reads this needs prayer at all, please.. Call me. or email me. kjhultberg@gmail.com. Just feel FREE to contact me and I promise I will pray for you... Because everyone deserves to be prayed for...
I can not thank Jesus enough for how He set me and all of us free.. We don't have to do anything. Just accept it! Have a relationship with Him... The one who created us. In that, we are the most free we can be.... Anyway- just a little snippet of what is going through my head today.
Soon I will update you all with my financial situation and what has been going on in my DTS.
If anyone who reads this needs prayer at all, please.. Call me. or email me. kjhultberg@gmail.com. Just feel FREE to contact me and I promise I will pray for you... Because everyone deserves to be prayed for...
21 November, 2010
God's hand of protection
Lastnight I was driving back to my home in Weyerhaeuser, WI (a YWAM Base) and I was in the car with El. It was around 730 and I was going 55 on a two lane road. All the sudden a deer came in my lane from my right. And it poceeded to go rom my lane to the one with oncoming traffic. There happened to be a 4 door full size pickup heading right toward it. The truck driver swerved to miss the deer, and ended up in my lane. All I could think was "I am going to be dead. El is going to die." (She was behind me in her carseat.. And my mom had TOLD me that it was very unsafe for her to be behind me because of head on collisions. )
The truck got within a foot of my car. I was still going 55 mph (I assume he was too) I did NOT move my hands from the positions they were in. But within milliseconds my car was headed toward the ditch and then it was out of the ditch... A steep ditch. One that a car would have normally flipped over heading out of at such an angle at 55 mph. And guess what? We came back on to the road. In one piece. And I felt this warm feeling... From the core of my body.. And it radiated throughout my entire body as I was going through this. And all I can say was that God saved me. He took the wheel. He saved my daughter. He protected us. Completely.
I can't fully explain what happened lastnight. All I know is I am here and Elle is here. And I am thankful.
The truck got within a foot of my car. I was still going 55 mph (I assume he was too) I did NOT move my hands from the positions they were in. But within milliseconds my car was headed toward the ditch and then it was out of the ditch... A steep ditch. One that a car would have normally flipped over heading out of at such an angle at 55 mph. And guess what? We came back on to the road. In one piece. And I felt this warm feeling... From the core of my body.. And it radiated throughout my entire body as I was going through this. And all I can say was that God saved me. He took the wheel. He saved my daughter. He protected us. Completely.
I can't fully explain what happened lastnight. All I know is I am here and Elle is here. And I am thankful.
04 November, 2010
Moments Unrehearsed
Tonight we had a watercolor paint party in the dining room. It was magical. It is undoubtedly my pride and joy to see two little girls' faces light up when we get the colors out. I know there is so much creativity in their minds. We started on the paper... Then it migrated to the faces.. Then the hair.. Then the arms. Finally all over their shirts. But I didn't care. It's those unrehearsed, random moments.. The unplanned, unorganized, sometimes downright messy times that bring so much joy to life. And I praise God for letting me experience that. Just watching them giggle and paint each other.. (And the parents paint the girls.. haha) And watching their paint strokes on the pages, even if half of it is just water and no color is getting on the page.. It doesn't matter. It is so wonderful. And I have no doubt in my mind that God made me to be a mother.
To be able to just watch these girls and play with them and see how carefree they are.. It teaches me lessons- it's not about doing everything right or being neat all the time, (sometimes I need that reminder!) but about using imagination and creativity and sometimes that means letting loose on my own ideas of how a "playtime" should look like.. And letting them take control over it.. They come up with a lot better ideas than I do!
Thank you, Jesus for children and their imaginations. And their creativity. And for opening my heart to not only teach them, but to be able to learn from them too.
To be able to just watch these girls and play with them and see how carefree they are.. It teaches me lessons- it's not about doing everything right or being neat all the time, (sometimes I need that reminder!) but about using imagination and creativity and sometimes that means letting loose on my own ideas of how a "playtime" should look like.. And letting them take control over it.. They come up with a lot better ideas than I do!
Thank you, Jesus for children and their imaginations. And their creativity. And for opening my heart to not only teach them, but to be able to learn from them too.
29 October, 2010
Celebrate!
Elle turned three on Wednesday, 10.27.10! My baby is not a baby anymore. Here are a few pictures of the birthday party. It was so good to see so many people surrounding her in love and prayer.. And of course her best friend was there too, right next to her, takin peeks at all the presents they will get to play with!
I wrote her a letter when she was 11 days old. And I found it in one of her books.
11.07.07
Dear Elle,
You are sleeping right now. You are so beautiful. I haven't even had you two weeks and already you have consumed my life.. You just sneezed. I didn't know that it could be that cute! Oh man, God blessed me with such a gem.. You are a precious gem, Elle Anne Hultberg. I hope you grow up and I can teach you all the things you need to know. That's not reality. But wouldn't it be cool? I will try to teach you though. I will try to be consistent. I will try to tell you I love you every single day. I will appreciate you and everything you are going to do! You have such a full life ahead of you, Elle. You have your ENTIRE life. I hope you decide to use it to make Jesus smile. You are so wonderful, Elle.
I just fed you.
I love that feeling- I feel so close to you. When all you want is food, I am a blubbering fool, sobbing all over your perfect soft skin. You were made to be my daughter. And I was made to be your mother. I love you Elle
Love, Mom
__________________________________________________________
SIDE NOTE**
One thing I have learned at YWAM this year is that GOD IS EVERYWHERE. I mean I knew it in my head all along... But lastnight we were in a worship service with a group that comes to YWAM and speaks every year. It was their last night and they were holding a special meeting. As I sat there with my daughter wrapped up in my arms, I was watching people. They initially seemed to be feeling God's presence very strong. But then after watching for a while I got this check in my spirit. And it felt like everything was a show. A fake. I got really frustrated with myself for thinking that and left. I went upstairs and was putting Elle to bed. And fell beside myself sobbing. I couldn't stop. I couldn't catch my breath. So I called a good friend and was asked "How are you?" As I was trying to put on a brave voice, it was like I was transparent. He immediately knew something was going on. I told him how I was frustrated that I couldn't hear God. I couldn't feel God's presence. I couldn't be like everyone else... "Am I broken or something?" After listening to me go on and on, he stopped me and made me realize... When I go outside and see pretty colors.. That's God's presence. When I look at Elle in awe of her just BEING here... ALIVE... That's God. When I cry, laugh, think.. That's God. When I sleep.. When I wake up from a sound sleep in the middle of the night to Elle coughing and pray her back to sleep.. That is God. When I am miserable and call a friend and talk and end up happy... That's God in my life.
Everything around me is God. God God God God. He is my everything. He is my all in all. I don't have to be in a worship setting with the lights dimmed to feel God. I can do it anytime of the day in any place.
Now THAT is the God I get to have in my life. :)
I wrote her a letter when she was 11 days old. And I found it in one of her books.
11.07.07
Dear Elle,
You are sleeping right now. You are so beautiful. I haven't even had you two weeks and already you have consumed my life.. You just sneezed. I didn't know that it could be that cute! Oh man, God blessed me with such a gem.. You are a precious gem, Elle Anne Hultberg. I hope you grow up and I can teach you all the things you need to know. That's not reality. But wouldn't it be cool? I will try to teach you though. I will try to be consistent. I will try to tell you I love you every single day. I will appreciate you and everything you are going to do! You have such a full life ahead of you, Elle. You have your ENTIRE life. I hope you decide to use it to make Jesus smile. You are so wonderful, Elle.
I just fed you.
I love that feeling- I feel so close to you. When all you want is food, I am a blubbering fool, sobbing all over your perfect soft skin. You were made to be my daughter. And I was made to be your mother. I love you Elle
Love, Mom
__________________________________________________________
SIDE NOTE**
One thing I have learned at YWAM this year is that GOD IS EVERYWHERE. I mean I knew it in my head all along... But lastnight we were in a worship service with a group that comes to YWAM and speaks every year. It was their last night and they were holding a special meeting. As I sat there with my daughter wrapped up in my arms, I was watching people. They initially seemed to be feeling God's presence very strong. But then after watching for a while I got this check in my spirit. And it felt like everything was a show. A fake. I got really frustrated with myself for thinking that and left. I went upstairs and was putting Elle to bed. And fell beside myself sobbing. I couldn't stop. I couldn't catch my breath. So I called a good friend and was asked "How are you?" As I was trying to put on a brave voice, it was like I was transparent. He immediately knew something was going on. I told him how I was frustrated that I couldn't hear God. I couldn't feel God's presence. I couldn't be like everyone else... "Am I broken or something?" After listening to me go on and on, he stopped me and made me realize... When I go outside and see pretty colors.. That's God's presence. When I look at Elle in awe of her just BEING here... ALIVE... That's God. When I cry, laugh, think.. That's God. When I sleep.. When I wake up from a sound sleep in the middle of the night to Elle coughing and pray her back to sleep.. That is God. When I am miserable and call a friend and talk and end up happy... That's God in my life.
Everything around me is God. God God God God. He is my everything. He is my all in all. I don't have to be in a worship setting with the lights dimmed to feel God. I can do it anytime of the day in any place.
Now THAT is the God I get to have in my life. :)
25 October, 2010
Children
I was made to be a mother. I love having kids around me. I love goofing around with them. I love hearing them giggle. That sound is DEFINITELY from God. Aside from Elle on this base, there is a young lady named Abby. She is a little bit older than Elle. But only by a month and a half or so. I got the pleasure of playing with both of them yesterday after church, and I enjoyed every second of it! We got to shoot our friend Arlen's guns, (I did.. Not them) we ate dinner together, colored, played outside, made a fort... It was an awesome day. I could handle a few more of those- with a few more children! Thank you, Jesus, for blessing this world with kids.. They are so innocent, so full of life... imagination.. excitement.. love.
19 October, 2010
Spiraling in some direction
Last night I layed in bed and my mind raced in thoughts of frustration, despair, and feelings of uncertainty. But at the same time, there was a feeling of excitement arising up in my body. For the light at the end of the tunnel. Someday. I have tried to make my life and Elle's life a healthy one. Our lives together started out rocky, but I can honestly say that it has come a long way from when it started.
People expect me to know how to be a mother and a father. As a parent, I am expected to be a good example all the time for my child and there is no forgiveness when I am not. The truth is I don't have all the answers. I never have and never will. The only thing I know is that I am Elle's mother. I am doing the best I can, and no matter how many people look with scorn at my parenting, I am parenting the way I know how. In prayer and submission to God.
Praying for wisdom, patience to do it, enough love to equal two parents.. Strength to make it through. Guidance..
That's all I can do, really. I don't know what else to say. I am doing as I see fit in my child's life. She is like no other person. There is only one Elle Anne Hultberg and she needs to be parented a certain way. Every child does. And given the situation, I have to be both mom and dad. I mean, I know she has a heavenly father. And I know that she can rest in the knowledge and faith that He is her support, guide and mentor.
But I can't hold the position of mother and father much longer.
I just need hope..
That someday Elle will have a dad. Someday soon.
That there will be an earthly partner for me.
That someday Elle won't try to fill that void with things that aren't good for her. Because her mom just wasn't enough for her.
I feel like I am a prisoner in my own world right now. With people looking me up and down as I try to battle my way out of this period of my life, passing their own set of ideas on me. I feel too loaded with things. I just need my thoughts and God's. And people I ask for help. I am just trying to remind myself, "This too shall pass."
Even though I know that it will pass deep down, I still feel like the weight of the world is so heavy on my shoulders. And the world is pretty damn heavy sometimes.
People expect me to know how to be a mother and a father. As a parent, I am expected to be a good example all the time for my child and there is no forgiveness when I am not. The truth is I don't have all the answers. I never have and never will. The only thing I know is that I am Elle's mother. I am doing the best I can, and no matter how many people look with scorn at my parenting, I am parenting the way I know how. In prayer and submission to God.
Praying for wisdom, patience to do it, enough love to equal two parents.. Strength to make it through. Guidance..
That's all I can do, really. I don't know what else to say. I am doing as I see fit in my child's life. She is like no other person. There is only one Elle Anne Hultberg and she needs to be parented a certain way. Every child does. And given the situation, I have to be both mom and dad. I mean, I know she has a heavenly father. And I know that she can rest in the knowledge and faith that He is her support, guide and mentor.
But I can't hold the position of mother and father much longer.
I just need hope..
That someday Elle will have a dad. Someday soon.
That there will be an earthly partner for me.
That someday Elle won't try to fill that void with things that aren't good for her. Because her mom just wasn't enough for her.
I feel like I am a prisoner in my own world right now. With people looking me up and down as I try to battle my way out of this period of my life, passing their own set of ideas on me. I feel too loaded with things. I just need my thoughts and God's. And people I ask for help. I am just trying to remind myself, "This too shall pass."
Even though I know that it will pass deep down, I still feel like the weight of the world is so heavy on my shoulders. And the world is pretty damn heavy sometimes.
11 October, 2010
Safety
What does that word even mean? Safety. The term is so different for everyone. I hear all the time "Kelsie. Bringing Elle to Thailand isn't going to be safe." "Kelsie.. Did you think about Elle? Won't she be in danger over there?" "Kelsie.. What about Grant? Won't he miss her?" "Kelsie.. I don't agree with you going, so I am not going to support you." Who can even say those things? Jesus called us and said, "Follow me". When a man told him "Let me first bury my father." Jesus said "Let the dead bury the dead. Follow me." When a man said "I need to first tell my family," Jesus said, "Follow me now." When Peter had his nets out, Jesus told him to leave the nets and "Follow me." Peter did. He was safe. Jesus didn't call us to a life of being comfortable in our seats. He didn't call us to live a "safe" life. We are specifically called to follow Him. Sure, there are undoubtedly going to be dangerous situations that we are put in. But won't God protect us? His will is for me to follow what He wants, no matter how crazy people think I am. And being in the center of God's will is the safest place in the world, to me. It's like I am walking on water. I feel like I am Peter.. God is telling me to get out of the boat and follow Him. So I am stepping out in faith. Both feet are out of the boat. In the water. And it's nuts, but that's the absolute safest place I can think of.
08 October, 2010
Some of our new friends
These are a few of our new friends at YWAM..
From left to right, Elie, Elizabeth, Al, Sarah
Nicette and myself
Josiah
Michaeal
Arlen and his goofy squirrels
Though I would love to see my family and I miss the familiarities of home, living here for now is great too..
From left to right, Elie, Elizabeth, Al, Sarah
Nicette and myself
Josiah
Michaeal
Arlen and his goofy squirrels
Though I would love to see my family and I miss the familiarities of home, living here for now is great too..
07 October, 2010
God's Voice
Since I went to Grantsburg and got Elle back on Monday night, she has had a wicked cough. Two nights ago, she woke up in the middle of the night in a coughing fit. I prayer over her and she eventually stopped and fell asleep. Last night was a little different. We both fell asleep just fine. About an hour after I drifted off to sleep, I was in a deep sleep. And I heard a soft voice. "Kelsie, wake up! Kelsie, get up... Wake up, Kelsie!" As I tuned my ears to reality, I heard Elle coughing and choking on the flem in her throat. I jolted awake and grabbed her out of her pack-n-play. I immediately laid my hands on her forehead and prayed Jesus' healing touch over her. Over and over again. I put some vicks vapor rub on her chest and snuggled with her. I gave her half-cough drops, talked to her, and diffused some Thieves essential oil. I didn't have any cough medicine. And by Jesus' healing magnificence, Elle fell asleep. And so did I.
I wholly believe that it was Him who woke me up. If I wouldn't have heard His voice and listened to it, something terrible could have happened.
Call me crazy. I don't care.
I'm glad He woke me up.
I wholly believe that it was Him who woke me up. If I wouldn't have heard His voice and listened to it, something terrible could have happened.
Call me crazy. I don't care.
I'm glad He woke me up.
06 October, 2010
Community Living
The past week and a half I have had the joyous experience of community living. A few things I love about it: Elle has FRIENDS now. I can't emphasize that point more. These young girls are inseparable. It is so wonderful to hear their squeals of delight as they chase each other or jump in the leave piles. BEST FRIENDS AT FIRST SIGHT 
I always have something entertaining to watch.And I ALWAYS have dinner.. ;-) 
It is such a blessing being here. God definitely had this in His plan. And I am glad I obeyed Him. There is another single parent here and we were talking today and I was expressing frustrations with how Elle was not eating and blah blah blah. He told me a few things that he saw that needed to happen with me. Stick to my guns. Even if I make a mistake in saying something... EXAMPLE: Tonight. We were going to watch a movie with everyone and Elle decided to say "NO" when another girl asked her to move over. three times. So I said "Elle you lost your chance. You aren't going to participate in the movie time." I grabbed her and brought her upstairs. I immediately wanted to take back what I said because I wanted to watch the movie! But since I DID say it, I needed to follow through. So I did. And it feels better. Elle has more respect for me because she knows that when I say something, I mean it. If I wasn't in community living, I probably wouldn't have heard what I needed to hear in the way I needed to hear it. I'm glad we're here.
I always have something entertaining to watch.And I ALWAYS have dinner.. ;-) 
It is such a blessing being here. God definitely had this in His plan. And I am glad I obeyed Him. There is another single parent here and we were talking today and I was expressing frustrations with how Elle was not eating and blah blah blah. He told me a few things that he saw that needed to happen with me. Stick to my guns. Even if I make a mistake in saying something... EXAMPLE: Tonight. We were going to watch a movie with everyone and Elle decided to say "NO" when another girl asked her to move over. three times. So I said "Elle you lost your chance. You aren't going to participate in the movie time." I grabbed her and brought her upstairs. I immediately wanted to take back what I said because I wanted to watch the movie! But since I DID say it, I needed to follow through. So I did. And it feels better. Elle has more respect for me because she knows that when I say something, I mean it. If I wasn't in community living, I probably wouldn't have heard what I needed to hear in the way I needed to hear it. I'm glad we're here.
02 October, 2010
Period.
This week has been a week of growth. Not only spiritually, but with people too. Our DTS class is an interesting one. We have 10 people in it. There are 6 girls and 4 boys. Dorothy, Anita, big Elie, Sarah, Elizabeth, me, (little elle), Josiah, Michael, Al, and Arlen. Every single one of these new friends has so much to share with each other. Yesterday was a day of growing experiences. Emotional day... We have these things called Quaker Questions... It is where our leader, David, asks us questions. And we all have to answer them. The first day it was "What is your full name and what is your favorite color" I think. They have gotten increasingly personal as the week has progressed. For the past three days, we have been working on "What is one lowpoint in your life and what is one highpoint"? I told mine on the first day. But yesterday, there were 4 people left to speak. One by one, they went. And as they shared their tough times in life, every single one of us listening had tears in our eyes. We all were relating with them. The first girl, Elie (LOVE HER!) went and hers made me cry. Then Josiah. We all cried. Then Anita, we cried some more. Last was Dorothy. And by the end of the day, all you could hear in the room was sobs. And sniffling. It was a two-hour time period I will never forget. Those hours in that room made us closer as a group than I have been to some people I have known my whole life. It feels so good to get the "gunk" out of my life and lay in down on the table for people to hear. And see. And then discard. Because it doesn't matter what we have all done in our pasts. This is the start of the future. And right now- today- can change our lives forever. So whatever is in my past... Everything. The ugly, the things I never realized God forgave me for- all of that- is gone. It's a new day. It's a new chapter of my life. It's over. Period.
28 September, 2010
Extraordinary events
Today was probably just a typical YWAM day for most, but for me, it was extraordinary. First thing I came downstairs to was a spectacular breakfast. This morning was a pastor breakfast, where some of the pastors from the area came and ate with us and fellow shipped. After that, they all laid hands on whoever they felt called to among the students, and prayed for us. It was the coolest thing. I felt God's presence. I was told that God wanted to give me a new name. Maybe not literally, but basically He wants to re-write my story. Change my destiny. Change my life. And I believe 100% with every bone in my body that that needs to happen. So praise Him! I heard that from a couple people... That He wants to re-write my life. Although it will take a while, it will be worth it in the end. And that God just wants to bless me with gifts... Anyways, that was so awesome. Then tonight we were at a bonfire. And Elle fell off a bench and smacked her head on the concrete. And obviously, like most two year olds would, started bawling. I grabbed my daughter and whisked her away as quickly as I could. As I was trying to comfort her on the hill away from others, Nicette, a staff member, came over and laid hands on Elle and prayed for her. Immediately she stopped crying. And immediately, the egg that was on Elle's head started going down. It is such a humbling thing to see that the God who created stars that the earth could fit in 2.2 million times, cares about a mother and her daughter so much , that He will take away the daughter's pain instantly.
Talk about WOW factor.
Talk about WOW factor.
26 September, 2010
Movin' Day
Finally, the big day. We are here. We are settled. We are happy. J came. My parents came. Everyone seems pheonominal.
In these next 5 months, I am sure there will be friendships that are bonded together so solidly. I already am getting to know some of these girls. They are so amazing. Their hearts are wonderful.
Everone here comes from a truly different part on their walk in life. I have an awesome bunch of leaders here, too.
And get this: THE FOOD ISN'T CAFETERIA FOOD!!!!! It is delicious and spectacular.
Oh yeah- and Elle LOVES it here!!
We are both exhausted. And content.
In these next 5 months, I am sure there will be friendships that are bonded together so solidly. I already am getting to know some of these girls. They are so amazing. Their hearts are wonderful.
Everone here comes from a truly different part on their walk in life. I have an awesome bunch of leaders here, too.
And get this: THE FOOD ISN'T CAFETERIA FOOD!!!!! It is delicious and spectacular.
Oh yeah- and Elle LOVES it here!!
We are both exhausted. And content.
22 September, 2010
Small little prayers
We have been implementing prayer before meals, and at random times of the day with Elle. I feel like it is important to teach her young to have a friendship with the Lord. This morning as I was getting ready for work, I heard Elle mumbling to herself. As I zoned on to what she was actually saying, I realized that she was praying. She was saying "I love love love love love you, God. And you keep me safe and so I'm not scared. Thank you for not making me scared..."
This little girl knows who her Father is! She knows that she can talk to him at any time during the day if she desires to.
It made my heart melt right along with her sweet words.
This little girl knows who her Father is! She knows that she can talk to him at any time during the day if she desires to.
It made my heart melt right along with her sweet words.
31 August, 2010
Dear Family and Friends
This is a letter that I have written to many of you, which you will be receiving shortly in the mail... For those of you who I don't have addresses for, this is for you.
Dear Family and Friends,
I am so excited to be sending this letter to you! I am writing to tell you about an extraordinary opportunity that God has presented Elle and me with. The past year has brought so many events into our lives. We have moved four times, we have gone through three cars, we have taken a couple road trips, and we have been through some of the hardest times in (my) life together. We have had so many adventures and experiences! Some good, some not so good. Through all this, our bond has proven to be stronger than ever! And amidst all the chaos of daily life, God has been our rock- a gentle father and guide... Sufficient and faithful through it all!
So what is the next adventure we are going to embark on?
We will be taking 5 months away from our comfort zone in present reality to step out and fully focus on and devote ourselves to Jesus... To learn who He is, how much He loves us, how faithful He is, and how to serve Him. He has done so much for us, and I feel like He is calling us to give back to Him. Elle and I are going to be involved in an organization called YWAM (Youth with a mission). They have bases worldwide, and they all have the same goal: "To know God and make Him known".
Elle and I will be going to the base in Weyerhaeuser, WI (Also known as YWAM Northwoods) for the first three months. I will be in a DTS (Discipleship Training School), which will teach me how to be a disciple of Christ. It will challenge me to dig into The Word, to deepen my walk with Jesus, and also to be a better "Christ-following" mother to Elle! I feel that it will be so good for her to live in a community where she is surrounded with people full of God's love all day, every single day. She has been through so much in her short life. Different people in and out of her life, relationships broken, daycare switching to a different place... And I feel as a mother, this is the absolute best thing I could ever do for her. This past weekend we went to visit Weyerhaeuser to see how it will be when we go there, and had a mighty hard time getting there! (Ask me about it later if you want the full details!) But as soon as we stepped foot on campus our spirits were calmed. We felt contentment and peace in the decision to go there. I felt like God was whispering in my ear, "Kelsie, just surrender everything to me. I will take care of both of you., I will provide all you need. Just trust me." So that is what we are going to do!
The days while I am in class for 4 hours, Elle will be in a daycare center about 100 feet from my classroom, playing with other children her age and learning about Jesus. This is such an answer to prayer! I will be able to fully soak up and focus on what I learn in class. After three months of intense training, Elle and I will have the opportunity to put what we learn into practice right away. For two months, we will be going with a group of people to northern Thailand! We will be living in a small community over there. Building relationships, spending time learning about the people there, and also talking to them about what God has done for us! We will be able to see firsthand how God's love can transform, heal, and take hold of people's lives.
This is the coolest opportunity Elle and I have ever had! I am asking you to REMEMBER Elle and me in your prayers... Pray for safety, submission to the Lord, health, and anything else God puts on your heart. The lecture phase for Elle and me including personal expenses will cost around $3800. The outreach phase for Elle and me will be around $4200. (Airplane tickets to halfway around the world are expensive!) The lecture phase money is due by September 26th. Any prayer and/or financial donations you make will be a HUGE blessing to Elle and me. I will try to keep you updated throughout the next five months, and you can also follow our adventures at our blogspot. www.kelsieandelle.blogspot.com. I will try to update it frequently.
Thank you so much and God bless you all!!
Love,
Kelsie Joy Hultberg
**Our address in Wisconsin will be
YWAM Northwoods
C/O (Kelsie or Elle) Hultberg
W14580 County Highway D
Weyerhaeuser, WI 54895
You can also contactme directly on my cell:
763-479-9732
Any financial donations you make before September 26th can be mailed to my home address: 160 166th Ave. NE Ham Lake, MN 55304
.......
So... How do you like THAT for change!? This is going to be an awesome adventure. God closed all other doors, and flung this one open right in my face.
Thank you, Lord for presenting this to Elle and me.
THANK YOU!
Dear Family and Friends,
I am so excited to be sending this letter to you! I am writing to tell you about an extraordinary opportunity that God has presented Elle and me with. The past year has brought so many events into our lives. We have moved four times, we have gone through three cars, we have taken a couple road trips, and we have been through some of the hardest times in (my) life together. We have had so many adventures and experiences! Some good, some not so good. Through all this, our bond has proven to be stronger than ever! And amidst all the chaos of daily life, God has been our rock- a gentle father and guide... Sufficient and faithful through it all!
So what is the next adventure we are going to embark on?
We will be taking 5 months away from our comfort zone in present reality to step out and fully focus on and devote ourselves to Jesus... To learn who He is, how much He loves us, how faithful He is, and how to serve Him. He has done so much for us, and I feel like He is calling us to give back to Him. Elle and I are going to be involved in an organization called YWAM (Youth with a mission). They have bases worldwide, and they all have the same goal: "To know God and make Him known".
Elle and I will be going to the base in Weyerhaeuser, WI (Also known as YWAM Northwoods) for the first three months. I will be in a DTS (Discipleship Training School), which will teach me how to be a disciple of Christ. It will challenge me to dig into The Word, to deepen my walk with Jesus, and also to be a better "Christ-following" mother to Elle! I feel that it will be so good for her to live in a community where she is surrounded with people full of God's love all day, every single day. She has been through so much in her short life. Different people in and out of her life, relationships broken, daycare switching to a different place... And I feel as a mother, this is the absolute best thing I could ever do for her. This past weekend we went to visit Weyerhaeuser to see how it will be when we go there, and had a mighty hard time getting there! (Ask me about it later if you want the full details!) But as soon as we stepped foot on campus our spirits were calmed. We felt contentment and peace in the decision to go there. I felt like God was whispering in my ear, "Kelsie, just surrender everything to me. I will take care of both of you., I will provide all you need. Just trust me." So that is what we are going to do!
The days while I am in class for 4 hours, Elle will be in a daycare center about 100 feet from my classroom, playing with other children her age and learning about Jesus. This is such an answer to prayer! I will be able to fully soak up and focus on what I learn in class. After three months of intense training, Elle and I will have the opportunity to put what we learn into practice right away. For two months, we will be going with a group of people to northern Thailand! We will be living in a small community over there. Building relationships, spending time learning about the people there, and also talking to them about what God has done for us! We will be able to see firsthand how God's love can transform, heal, and take hold of people's lives.
This is the coolest opportunity Elle and I have ever had! I am asking you to REMEMBER Elle and me in your prayers... Pray for safety, submission to the Lord, health, and anything else God puts on your heart. The lecture phase for Elle and me including personal expenses will cost around $3800. The outreach phase for Elle and me will be around $4200. (Airplane tickets to halfway around the world are expensive!) The lecture phase money is due by September 26th. Any prayer and/or financial donations you make will be a HUGE blessing to Elle and me. I will try to keep you updated throughout the next five months, and you can also follow our adventures at our blogspot. www.kelsieandelle.blogspot.com. I will try to update it frequently.
Thank you so much and God bless you all!!
Love,
Kelsie Joy Hultberg
**Our address in Wisconsin will be
YWAM Northwoods
C/O (Kelsie or Elle) Hultberg
W14580 County Highway D
Weyerhaeuser, WI 54895
You can also contactme directly on my cell:
763-479-9732
Any financial donations you make before September 26th can be mailed to my home address: 160 166th Ave. NE Ham Lake, MN 55304
.......
So... How do you like THAT for change!? This is going to be an awesome adventure. God closed all other doors, and flung this one open right in my face.
Thank you, Lord for presenting this to Elle and me.
THANK YOU!
24 August, 2010
Times are a changin'
The above statement is fully true.
After a two week period of having no internet connection, it feels good to be back on here.
Today. Is a day of new exciting opportunities.
I applied for University of Utah for spring semester.
Do you know how much of a change that would be? I'd be on my own. Fully on my own.
I live for change. I love change. If I get in, that means this whole winter I would be going to school and lovin' every minute of it! I would be super close to the best skiing in the US. I went on a vacation to Utah last winter and loved every second of it.
This weekend I am going to Weyerhaeuser possibly to learn more about the Thailand trip. Not sure what is going to happen...
But I am anticipating that whatever I end up doing will be right for me. And Elle.
I embrace change. So does Elle. :-)
After a two week period of having no internet connection, it feels good to be back on here.
Today. Is a day of new exciting opportunities.
I applied for University of Utah for spring semester.
Do you know how much of a change that would be? I'd be on my own. Fully on my own.
I live for change. I love change. If I get in, that means this whole winter I would be going to school and lovin' every minute of it! I would be super close to the best skiing in the US. I went on a vacation to Utah last winter and loved every second of it.
This weekend I am going to Weyerhaeuser possibly to learn more about the Thailand trip. Not sure what is going to happen...
But I am anticipating that whatever I end up doing will be right for me. And Elle.
I embrace change. So does Elle. :-)
13 August, 2010
My heart hurts
The house.
The only house.
It is pending to be sold.
I know there was like... a zero percent chance to get that house.
I know that it was too good to be true.
But it was a devastating blow to see it "pending".
That is where MY children were supposed to grow up. Those 4 acres are where MY dog was supposed to run.
That beautiful 5 bedroom house was supposed to be a home to nine.
Now its going to go to waste.
I know i'm being ridiculous. Just let me sulk.
The only house.
It is pending to be sold.
I know there was like... a zero percent chance to get that house.
I know that it was too good to be true.
But it was a devastating blow to see it "pending".
That is where MY children were supposed to grow up. Those 4 acres are where MY dog was supposed to run.
That beautiful 5 bedroom house was supposed to be a home to nine.
Now its going to go to waste.
I know i'm being ridiculous. Just let me sulk.
10 August, 2010
"Big Girl!"
It is so weird to see Elle fully-functional. She is only 2 1/2 and she acts like a teenager. She says "I want to watch Full House!" and she has opinions about what matches and what doesn't in her wardrobe. Elle uses words like "inevitable" and "frustrated" and she rides her bike up and down the street crazy fast. She drinks coffee in the morning with her mommy. I know lots of parents say this, but it really does seem like it was just yesterday that I was taking her home from the hospital, with Grant driving 35 mph down Bunker. She has grown up so much. In a few months, we will hopefully be going to Thailand. In September we will be moving to Weyerhaeuser, Wisconsin. She will be facing so many different situations with so many different people. It will be so cool to see how she can even change peoples lives that are older than her.. We'll see how the next year changes things...
So many different things could happen. So many different situations. So many different roads to go. What should me and Ell do? Out-of-state school? Finish my degree in business? A full year of YWAM? I don't know what this year entails. We'll see how it unfolds!
Elle isn't a toddler anymore. She is like a mini-PERSON. It is so weird. She does grown-up things with her mom. She goes to grown-up places and has a grown-up attitude about most of it.
I am holding on to every second I have with her. Because the seconds seem like they are slipping away quicker than I want...
So many different things could happen. So many different situations. So many different roads to go. What should me and Ell do? Out-of-state school? Finish my degree in business? A full year of YWAM? I don't know what this year entails. We'll see how it unfolds!
Elle isn't a toddler anymore. She is like a mini-PERSON. It is so weird. She does grown-up things with her mom. She goes to grown-up places and has a grown-up attitude about most of it.
I am holding on to every second I have with her. Because the seconds seem like they are slipping away quicker than I want...
08 August, 2010
Triumphant Surrender
Today, as I sat in church, the pastor spoke about... Well... THIS.
My life.
My heart has been hurting. Some of you may know what is going on, some of you don't. I'd rather not go into detail. All I know is that I am still trying to fully surrender everything. Into God's authority. Other people don't have to- that is fine. but I'm gonna. No, I am not going to do it perfect. I guarantee I will continue to mess up and fail. But. I am giving it my best shot. If you do have something that frustrates you about me, though, please don't hesitate to talk to me about it. I am cleaning the slate. Starting fresh...
That is one of the many great things about God... He is ALWAYS ready to start over at ground zero with you.
So... To start over..
I have been fighting temptation. Doing much better. Feeling much better...
To LLL:
I am sorry that I ever hurt you. I am sorry for everything that I have done to misuse your trust. I am asking your forgiveness. I want to be able to talk and joke around and feel welcome in your house again. I deserve it now. Let me prove it to you. I love you so much and thank you for being honest with me about how you felt. It only shows how much you care about me and value my life. I hope things can go back to their original state though... Because that was awesome. And you are too wonderful of a person to be angry at.
To my mother:
I am sorry for hurting you and being irresponsible and taking for granted all the things you have done for me. You are so wonderful and I can only hope that I am as good of a mother as you someday.
To Deb:
I miss talking to you. I miss laughing and eating SALADS with you. There is so much that has been happening in my life, and I think we need to have lunch soon.
To RDM:
You are one of the greatest people ever made. Period. You mean so much. I appreciate you opening your home for me. Thank you for putting up with my mess for 6 months. Thank you for being Elle's godmother.
To S.E. :
I hope your trust will be restored in me. I hope that you understand I never tried or am going to try to hurt you or anyone in your family. I am sorry for whatever I did to offend you or anger you in any way.
Now that I have said my peace, I start over...Politely taking my spot back next to Jesus Christ. At His right hand. In full surrender to His authority. He is the only one I am under authority to. And I am surrendering my whole entire life to Him... Very random, but it doesn't matter. This is how I feel right now. And this is what I wanted to say.
My life.
My heart has been hurting. Some of you may know what is going on, some of you don't. I'd rather not go into detail. All I know is that I am still trying to fully surrender everything. Into God's authority. Other people don't have to- that is fine. but I'm gonna. No, I am not going to do it perfect. I guarantee I will continue to mess up and fail. But. I am giving it my best shot. If you do have something that frustrates you about me, though, please don't hesitate to talk to me about it. I am cleaning the slate. Starting fresh...
That is one of the many great things about God... He is ALWAYS ready to start over at ground zero with you.
So... To start over..
I have been fighting temptation. Doing much better. Feeling much better...
To LLL:
I am sorry that I ever hurt you. I am sorry for everything that I have done to misuse your trust. I am asking your forgiveness. I want to be able to talk and joke around and feel welcome in your house again. I deserve it now. Let me prove it to you. I love you so much and thank you for being honest with me about how you felt. It only shows how much you care about me and value my life. I hope things can go back to their original state though... Because that was awesome. And you are too wonderful of a person to be angry at.
To my mother:
I am sorry for hurting you and being irresponsible and taking for granted all the things you have done for me. You are so wonderful and I can only hope that I am as good of a mother as you someday.
To Deb:
I miss talking to you. I miss laughing and eating SALADS with you. There is so much that has been happening in my life, and I think we need to have lunch soon.
To RDM:
You are one of the greatest people ever made. Period. You mean so much. I appreciate you opening your home for me. Thank you for putting up with my mess for 6 months. Thank you for being Elle's godmother.
To S.E. :
I hope your trust will be restored in me. I hope that you understand I never tried or am going to try to hurt you or anyone in your family. I am sorry for whatever I did to offend you or anger you in any way.
Now that I have said my peace, I start over...Politely taking my spot back next to Jesus Christ. At His right hand. In full surrender to His authority. He is the only one I am under authority to. And I am surrendering my whole entire life to Him... Very random, but it doesn't matter. This is how I feel right now. And this is what I wanted to say.
03 August, 2010
Camp-outs
Lastnight Ell and I slept in a tent. Made out of a down comforter and some pillows and books. As I laid there, looking at her in deep sleep, I just got this feeling of comfort. Of normalcy. This is where I am supposed to be. This is where I should be focused. This is what it is all about... I am a mother.. Who has random campouts in her child's bedroom... I am a mother who makes lunch and gives naps and provides fun activities for her child. I am a mother who will cuddle with her child while watching a VeggieTales movie. This is a wonderful life... (!!!) Thank you, Jesus.
28 July, 2010
A Walk to Remember
So many times, I think about my life. My future. My family. I wonder what they will think about me as I age... And what they will think after I am gone.
I hope that my life is an example to them. I hope I am not boring. I hope that I am a godly influence on them.
I hope and pray that they will see me as an exciting, loves life, loves adventure, loves God kind of woman.
I hope they confide in me, and ask me questions about my life.
I hope that my walk and journey through life is definitely a walk to remember.
I hope that my life is an example to them. I hope I am not boring. I hope that I am a godly influence on them.
I hope and pray that they will see me as an exciting, loves life, loves adventure, loves God kind of woman.
I hope they confide in me, and ask me questions about my life.
I hope that my walk and journey through life is definitely a walk to remember.
26 July, 2010
Rollercoasters
I remember when I was younger. I loved going on rollercoasters. Still do. But I specifically remember that feeling I would get while riding "The Wild Thing" at Valleyfair... Or when doing the "loop-di-loops" at Six Flags on the Superman ride. I know that feeling so well... The feeling of my stomach rising into my chest so quick, and me being a little off of my seat in the car... And then I remember going from that while I am going down a hill, to all the sudden being jolted back into my seat... Because we are going back uphill again.
I still love that feeling...
But lately it seems like that is the story of my life.. One "rollercoaster" after another. And in the Valleyfair world, it isn't such a good feeling when you are thrown up and down in spirling circles while clinging to your lunch for dear life. I feel like I am going through a tunnel and I don't know which way I am going to go next. I can't tell whether or not it will be an alright day, or a catastrophic argument that ensues.
I guess I just need to continue praying for strength, protection and direction from God.. That's all we can do when we are on a rollercoaster, right?
I still love that feeling...
But lately it seems like that is the story of my life.. One "rollercoaster" after another. And in the Valleyfair world, it isn't such a good feeling when you are thrown up and down in spirling circles while clinging to your lunch for dear life. I feel like I am going through a tunnel and I don't know which way I am going to go next. I can't tell whether or not it will be an alright day, or a catastrophic argument that ensues.
I guess I just need to continue praying for strength, protection and direction from God.. That's all we can do when we are on a rollercoaster, right?
25 July, 2010
Mi Familia
I am sitting in my bedroom right now. Downstairs. In the ceiling of my room,I hear footsteps above me... Through my door, through the family room, up the stairs, and in the kitchen and living room, I hear laughter.. The sweet sound of my family. My entire extended family. Most people are here. A few are on their way. One is still in Alaska. But the majority of my family is here. When I am with them, I have a sense of peace. I have security, knowing that no matter what, through anything, they are going to be there. To talk to. To listen. To hug. To cry on. To laugh with. My family...
Is the best.
As I sit down here, tears come to my eyes. I can only pray that my family will be like this someday. That my grandchildren will be as many as this. I can only hope that I will always continue to hear the sounds of Charlie laughing... Or Brent freaking my dad out... I hope I can hear my grandpa say "Where's my kiss, Kelsie?" I hope that My little cousins mischievous voices will always be there. I hope that I hear Brad lecturing us all about motorcycle care... I hope the best for my entire family. I love them ALL. No matter what arguments happen, no matter when I am frustrated, I will ALWAYS love and appreciate every single one of them for what and who they are.
I love this sound.
Thank you, Jesus.
Is the best.
As I sit down here, tears come to my eyes. I can only pray that my family will be like this someday. That my grandchildren will be as many as this. I can only hope that I will always continue to hear the sounds of Charlie laughing... Or Brent freaking my dad out... I hope I can hear my grandpa say "Where's my kiss, Kelsie?" I hope that My little cousins mischievous voices will always be there. I hope that I hear Brad lecturing us all about motorcycle care... I hope the best for my entire family. I love them ALL. No matter what arguments happen, no matter when I am frustrated, I will ALWAYS love and appreciate every single one of them for what and who they are.
I love this sound.
Thank you, Jesus.
23 July, 2010
Dare Ya
Remember when we were kids? Remember those days that seemed full of promise and laughter? Remember when school got out for the summer, and as you stepped off that bus, you breathed out a sigh of relief, and in a breath of fresh summer air? Remember when you had nothing to do, not too many responsibilities, and yet you still found something to keep you busy at every minute of the day?
That's because when we were kids, we had this natural sense of adventure... When we were kids, we always just knew that life was about adventure, and laughter, and imagination... We didn't care what other people thought as much... We didn't notice that our friend didn't have a name-brand shirt on. We didn't notice the size of our best friend's house, or the number of new curtains they had. We noticed the important things... Like how much ice cream was in the freezer.. How the couches downstairs could make awesome forts.. How the yard in the back could double as a pirate ship... Or a castle.. Or a horse farm..
Well I dare you, when you finish reading this, to...
Go to a concert just for the heck of it
Go see a movie alone
Go sky diving
Go to the airport with a loved one, and get on the next flight that leaves for a
mini vacation... Not knowing flight times when you drive there.
Drive with the windows down, and the AC off. Let your hair get a little messy...Even while you are on your way to work.
Laugh at something silly
Run like kids do, with your arms flailing everywhere, and your legs stretching out as far as they will go, and carry you as far as they want.
Make a marshmallow over the fire
Listen to what your kids are saying. They may be more intelligent then you give them credit for.
Give someone a hug that deserves one, no matter who it is.
Stop your car on the side of the road to look at a pretty sunset.
Eat pizza in the middle of a parkinglot. With root beer.
Enjoy the car, house, couches, lampshades, food, appliances, and family you've got. No need for an upgrade.
Go to a different country.
Take a two month road trip. Don't plan out where you are going to go
Ignore the multi-colored monstrosity in your bedroom, that is your unfolded clothes. Instead, take your child out for dessert.
Take a class on whatever interests you.
Sleep outside in the hammock.
Tell someone you love them, just because.
Be creative in how you tell people you love them.
Be original. God made you YOU for a reason. Take a chance. Enjoy every second of life.
Live life on the edge... You never know what can happen. You never know when your life will end. You never know what opportunity will present itself next... Take advantage of each one. Don't look back on your life and wish you had done more, or been more care-free. Life isn't about getting the biggest or best. It is about who you spend it with and how much fun and laughter you brought into the world.. How many neat experiences you had... It is about bringing God joy, by having joy.
I think so many people get bogged down by the necessities of "life". The no-nonsense, pragmatic types think that anyone who doesn't feel the weight of the world upon themselves is irresponsible, or is just "blind". I don't agree at all. I think that those who don't let life get the best of them are actually the ones that thrive and prosper in the long run. I am one of those people. I refuse to let life pull me into it's clutches. I refuse to conform to anyone but myself.
I dare you to find what you love... And do it!
That's because when we were kids, we had this natural sense of adventure... When we were kids, we always just knew that life was about adventure, and laughter, and imagination... We didn't care what other people thought as much... We didn't notice that our friend didn't have a name-brand shirt on. We didn't notice the size of our best friend's house, or the number of new curtains they had. We noticed the important things... Like how much ice cream was in the freezer.. How the couches downstairs could make awesome forts.. How the yard in the back could double as a pirate ship... Or a castle.. Or a horse farm..
Well I dare you, when you finish reading this, to...
Go to a concert just for the heck of it
Go see a movie alone
Go sky diving
Go to the airport with a loved one, and get on the next flight that leaves for a
mini vacation... Not knowing flight times when you drive there.
Drive with the windows down, and the AC off. Let your hair get a little messy...Even while you are on your way to work.
Laugh at something silly
Run like kids do, with your arms flailing everywhere, and your legs stretching out as far as they will go, and carry you as far as they want.
Make a marshmallow over the fire
Listen to what your kids are saying. They may be more intelligent then you give them credit for.
Give someone a hug that deserves one, no matter who it is.
Stop your car on the side of the road to look at a pretty sunset.
Eat pizza in the middle of a parkinglot. With root beer.
Enjoy the car, house, couches, lampshades, food, appliances, and family you've got. No need for an upgrade.
Go to a different country.
Take a two month road trip. Don't plan out where you are going to go
Ignore the multi-colored monstrosity in your bedroom, that is your unfolded clothes. Instead, take your child out for dessert.
Take a class on whatever interests you.
Sleep outside in the hammock.
Tell someone you love them, just because.
Be creative in how you tell people you love them.
Be original. God made you YOU for a reason. Take a chance. Enjoy every second of life.
Live life on the edge... You never know what can happen. You never know when your life will end. You never know what opportunity will present itself next... Take advantage of each one. Don't look back on your life and wish you had done more, or been more care-free. Life isn't about getting the biggest or best. It is about who you spend it with and how much fun and laughter you brought into the world.. How many neat experiences you had... It is about bringing God joy, by having joy.
I think so many people get bogged down by the necessities of "life". The no-nonsense, pragmatic types think that anyone who doesn't feel the weight of the world upon themselves is irresponsible, or is just "blind". I don't agree at all. I think that those who don't let life get the best of them are actually the ones that thrive and prosper in the long run. I am one of those people. I refuse to let life pull me into it's clutches. I refuse to conform to anyone but myself.
I dare you to find what you love... And do it!
17 July, 2010
Let's Get Real
The title of my whole blog is "genuine". The purpose for my blog is to share with the people that want to know, all the things going on in my life, all the realizations I have, etc.. Who I really am. Well- lastnight there was a huge "talk" that pushed me over the edge. For all that were involved, you told me that it bugs you when I am not "real" with you. And that's why there is judgement passed.
The reason I am not always totally real with you, is because I know either way there will be judgement. But here goes- here is the faults of the REAL Kelsie.
I can be a very caring person. I can be very understanding and submissive sometimes. I have deep and passionate feelings for a lot of things.
I have messed up a lot in my lifetime. I have slept with more than one person, I have lied about things I don't even remember. I HATE when someone corrects me about the way I raise my child. Yeah, SOMETIMES it may scare you, the things I let her do... You think I am putting her in dangerous situations. But I am letting her assert her independence. I am letting her put to the test what she can and can't handle. I enjoy joking around and laughing and being goofy.. Maybe you outta try it out- your marriage might be a little easier.
I absolutely can not wait to be a wife someday. (Hopefully sooner than later).
I like some hip hop music. No, I do not think it is a sin to like it. I think that it talks about the same stuff you guys listened to when you were my age... I mean come ON. The Beatles? Beach boys? Sex pistols? even FRANK Sinatra, talked about "those California girls" and about "drinking" and stuff.. And that's not even the worst of it. "La-la-la-la lola... " Prime example. That song is about a transsexual. "Is it a he or a she?" ... Pretty sure the new age music isn't any worse.
Another thing about me is I HATE being judged. That's why I don't share with a lot of people the true me. Because there is always judgement. "Kelsie doesn't take care of Elle right" "Kelsie does this wrong" "Kelsie is loopy".
I smoked a cigarette twice in my life. No, three times. Once was in 8th grade because I wanted to see what it was like. Once was when I was driving to Century College. And the other time was when I was at Coldstone. I don't think that that one was just a cigarette though. Pretty sure the person who gave it to me put something else in it. But I didn't know.
I have smoked two or three cigars in my life.
I have had alcohol before. And you know what? I didn't get addicted.
I LOVE Elle with all my heart.
I think caring about how your house looks is stupid. It is a passing thing. Who cares how big it is? Who cares if the curtains match the carpet? Who CARES if you have name brand clothes? I think that is a petty and very materialistic thing to care about. And that is wrong.
I love adventure.
I don't care if sometimes I cause trouble. I am an independent person from anybody else. I will get a piercing if I want. I will go on a day trip to Duluth if I want. I hate when other people look down on me for trying to have fun.
I LOVE being in love. I love it. I love making people smile and I don't care if it offends someone else. They can look away if they want. I love joking around. I prefer not to have a career. But I might end up getting one :just in case: . I do weird things sometimes. I enjoy attention. I love laughing with my best friend Katie. I love talking to my friends parents about everything and nothing at the same time.
I get excited about things and I am usually very optimistic. And it bothers me when people look down on me because of that.
Just because I like to have FUN in my life and be carefree doesn't mean I am in the wrong.
If you old farts would lighten up a bit sometime and have a little adventure, maybe you wouldn't be so cranky all the time.
I believe you can have responsibility but also have a good time. I don't think life always has to be serious. I actually think it rarely should. God gives us one time on this earth. Might as well make the best of it. No,
I am not saying "We should party it up!" But I am saying that you people have no right to judge me or my actions just as much as I don't have the right to judge you or yours. Even though I am admitting all the things I do wrong, there are more things I do "right" than those I do "wrong". At least I have the guts to stand up and say I am NOT PERFECT! But I do believe there is a God that will protect me from all the sins I have ever done and I do believe He is faithful and forgiving and loving and kind. I believe that no matter how wrong I have been in the past, He can save me from it. No, I am not perfect. Don't expect me to be. But this is a glimpse into the "real" Kelsie. Are you happy? Does this post make you feel good that you know everything I have done wrong? Does it make you feel better about yourself? Or does it make you understand why I haven't talked about some of these things... Because I know a lot of you "faithful followers" are going to focus on my wrongs- not my rights. Stop raining on my parade. Yours can stink but that doesn't mean mine has to. I prefer to be happy and easy going to care free and free-spirited... And I prefer to forget all the things I have done wrong. Not bring them up again. I don't do that to you, so stop doing it to me. I forgive you for yours and won't ever hold them against you.
Because you know what?
That. is. how. I. am.
Don't like it? I'm not changing.
So, yes, let's get real. I am.
Your turn.
The reason I am not always totally real with you, is because I know either way there will be judgement. But here goes- here is the faults of the REAL Kelsie.
I can be a very caring person. I can be very understanding and submissive sometimes. I have deep and passionate feelings for a lot of things.
I have messed up a lot in my lifetime. I have slept with more than one person, I have lied about things I don't even remember. I HATE when someone corrects me about the way I raise my child. Yeah, SOMETIMES it may scare you, the things I let her do... You think I am putting her in dangerous situations. But I am letting her assert her independence. I am letting her put to the test what she can and can't handle. I enjoy joking around and laughing and being goofy.. Maybe you outta try it out- your marriage might be a little easier.
I absolutely can not wait to be a wife someday. (Hopefully sooner than later).
I like some hip hop music. No, I do not think it is a sin to like it. I think that it talks about the same stuff you guys listened to when you were my age... I mean come ON. The Beatles? Beach boys? Sex pistols? even FRANK Sinatra, talked about "those California girls" and about "drinking" and stuff.. And that's not even the worst of it. "La-la-la-la lola... " Prime example. That song is about a transsexual. "Is it a he or a she?" ... Pretty sure the new age music isn't any worse.
Another thing about me is I HATE being judged. That's why I don't share with a lot of people the true me. Because there is always judgement. "Kelsie doesn't take care of Elle right" "Kelsie does this wrong" "Kelsie is loopy".
I smoked a cigarette twice in my life. No, three times. Once was in 8th grade because I wanted to see what it was like. Once was when I was driving to Century College. And the other time was when I was at Coldstone. I don't think that that one was just a cigarette though. Pretty sure the person who gave it to me put something else in it. But I didn't know.
I have smoked two or three cigars in my life.
I have had alcohol before. And you know what? I didn't get addicted.
I LOVE Elle with all my heart.
I think caring about how your house looks is stupid. It is a passing thing. Who cares how big it is? Who cares if the curtains match the carpet? Who CARES if you have name brand clothes? I think that is a petty and very materialistic thing to care about. And that is wrong.
I love adventure.
I don't care if sometimes I cause trouble. I am an independent person from anybody else. I will get a piercing if I want. I will go on a day trip to Duluth if I want. I hate when other people look down on me for trying to have fun.
I LOVE being in love. I love it. I love making people smile and I don't care if it offends someone else. They can look away if they want. I love joking around. I prefer not to have a career. But I might end up getting one :just in case: . I do weird things sometimes. I enjoy attention. I love laughing with my best friend Katie. I love talking to my friends parents about everything and nothing at the same time.
I get excited about things and I am usually very optimistic. And it bothers me when people look down on me because of that.
Just because I like to have FUN in my life and be carefree doesn't mean I am in the wrong.
If you old farts would lighten up a bit sometime and have a little adventure, maybe you wouldn't be so cranky all the time.
I believe you can have responsibility but also have a good time. I don't think life always has to be serious. I actually think it rarely should. God gives us one time on this earth. Might as well make the best of it. No,
I am not saying "We should party it up!" But I am saying that you people have no right to judge me or my actions just as much as I don't have the right to judge you or yours. Even though I am admitting all the things I do wrong, there are more things I do "right" than those I do "wrong". At least I have the guts to stand up and say I am NOT PERFECT! But I do believe there is a God that will protect me from all the sins I have ever done and I do believe He is faithful and forgiving and loving and kind. I believe that no matter how wrong I have been in the past, He can save me from it. No, I am not perfect. Don't expect me to be. But this is a glimpse into the "real" Kelsie. Are you happy? Does this post make you feel good that you know everything I have done wrong? Does it make you feel better about yourself? Or does it make you understand why I haven't talked about some of these things... Because I know a lot of you "faithful followers" are going to focus on my wrongs- not my rights. Stop raining on my parade. Yours can stink but that doesn't mean mine has to. I prefer to be happy and easy going to care free and free-spirited... And I prefer to forget all the things I have done wrong. Not bring them up again. I don't do that to you, so stop doing it to me. I forgive you for yours and won't ever hold them against you.
Because you know what?
That. is. how. I. am.
Don't like it? I'm not changing.
So, yes, let's get real. I am.
Your turn.
12 July, 2010
God's astounding creation
Whenever I get frustrated, I run. And run. And run some more. Today was definitely one of those days. Nothing really went right. I was sore all day, and it definitely didn't help that I had to take an extra long lunch to try and squeeze in before the deadline for getting a passport. (The fees are going up $35 as of tomorrow) Needless to say, I was just not in the mood for anything. So when I got home, Ell was still taking a nap. So I went for a run. As I was running off my steam, I started looking around me... And really studying. And as I continued to run farther and farther, my frustrations slowly faded off in the distance.. And my mind was instead filled with all the things around me. The sound of my feet hitting the pavement. The quiet chirping of birds in the trees playing amongst themselves. The smell of fresh cut grass. And as I was running back up my road, I saw the sunset in its magnificance. Glowing orange and yellow.. All sorts of colors off in the sky.. It was as if God was saying "As the sun fades, let your frustrations fade, Kels. Cling to me. Let me be your happiness."
And let me tell ya-
it just might be working.
And let me tell ya-
it just might be working.
09 July, 2010
Solomon: A man of many great Proverbs..(And not just the chinese ones)
What is (one of the many things) wrong with America today? You know that I think? I think that they try to come up with all these different ways to "be successful" in life. They make charts, they make line graphs, and they even dare to write "How to succeed in life" books. Go take a look at the millions of books on "self-help" in the library or at your local Boarders bookstore. You will find books upon books that make feeble attempts explain to you how to live life successfully.. And after you have read all these books, and have taken each step, you are still not fulfilled. Why?
Because you are not following the correct book.
If I can be frank with you, those books suck. There is one book, though, that I fully believe will solve all your problems... And it has the "successful life" spelled out perfectly. It has everything you need in order to live one of those coveted lifestyles. The book is the Bible. And the place in the bible is Proverbs. Solomon did an excellent job writing this. It has all the ingredients you need to "live life successfully".
Check it out!
Because you are not following the correct book.
If I can be frank with you, those books suck. There is one book, though, that I fully believe will solve all your problems... And it has the "successful life" spelled out perfectly. It has everything you need in order to live one of those coveted lifestyles. The book is the Bible. And the place in the bible is Proverbs. Solomon did an excellent job writing this. It has all the ingredients you need to "live life successfully".
Check it out!
02 July, 2010
WANTED: Prayer.
If you are reading this, you are obviously interested in mine and Elle's lives, or you care about us to some extent. For the past year and a half, (about) it has been on my heart very heavily to do a YWAM (Youth With A Mission) DTS. If you don't know what that is, it is what is called "Discipleship Training School". Basically what the YWAM program consists of, is a two and a half month training course on God and His love and how to be disciples of Christ. The other two and a half months are what is called an "outreach phase". This is where the students of YWAM go into different parts of the world, (each base has it's own destination) and reach out to others... Sometimes it is through sharing testimonies, sometimes it is through just talking on the streets and shining a light on others... There are various ways God allows YWAM students lead others toward Christ...
(As I am typing this, Elle just ran into my room and yelled "MAMA! Look I got a shirt!" It is an orange tank top with pink straps.. She is my little darling!- Which reminds me of how much God has blessed me with her. She has so much excitement and appreciation for the smallest things... And it reminds me that I should too.. Thank you, God, for putting Elle in my life.)
Anyway, I feel that Elle and I have been called to do a DTS this fall. I am asking whoever reads this to put me and Elle on their prayer list and just pray that we will have peace about which base to go to and pray that God will keep us safe while we are there. And if He wants us to go, that He will provide a way financially. We are struggling the way it is to have money and keep it. I am not sure that without financial support, I could even go... But We are trusting God for that.
I am trying to decide between two bases right now. There is the Madison, WI base and the Weyerhaeuser, WI base. Both are excellent bases recomended by many. But both are very different. The Madison base is huge and has tons of students.. The Weyerhaeuser base is very small... Only about 25 people are usually there, including staff. I can't decide which is right for Elle and myself... Which is where you guys come in. Your prayer will help lead me in the right diection.
You all know how energetic I am and how I can get so excited about things I care about. Now imagine if I knew how to channel ALL that energy toward God's kingdom and on people down here that need His love. Thank you so much for your support and love through all these life-altering decsions to be made.
(As I am typing this, Elle just ran into my room and yelled "MAMA! Look I got a shirt!" It is an orange tank top with pink straps.. She is my little darling!- Which reminds me of how much God has blessed me with her. She has so much excitement and appreciation for the smallest things... And it reminds me that I should too.. Thank you, God, for putting Elle in my life.)
Anyway, I feel that Elle and I have been called to do a DTS this fall. I am asking whoever reads this to put me and Elle on their prayer list and just pray that we will have peace about which base to go to and pray that God will keep us safe while we are there. And if He wants us to go, that He will provide a way financially. We are struggling the way it is to have money and keep it. I am not sure that without financial support, I could even go... But We are trusting God for that.
I am trying to decide between two bases right now. There is the Madison, WI base and the Weyerhaeuser, WI base. Both are excellent bases recomended by many. But both are very different. The Madison base is huge and has tons of students.. The Weyerhaeuser base is very small... Only about 25 people are usually there, including staff. I can't decide which is right for Elle and myself... Which is where you guys come in. Your prayer will help lead me in the right diection.
You all know how energetic I am and how I can get so excited about things I care about. Now imagine if I knew how to channel ALL that energy toward God's kingdom and on people down here that need His love. Thank you so much for your support and love through all these life-altering decsions to be made.
28 June, 2010
Thanksgiving... In June?
... I am so thankful that my parents raised me the way they did. I am thankful for their teachings, though I didn't always agree with them.. I am thankful for the discipline I received from them, though I didn't EVER like it. I never understood a parents love for their children until I had my own.
Some parents abuse their children in ways I can't even fathom... But my parents usually kept their cool with me and held patience to an extent. Some parents don't even say "I love you" everyday to their children... But mine showed me their love through spending time with me, reading to me, going to my after-school activities, and being there to talk to when I needed them.
I only hope I can be as good of a parents to Elle as they were and still are to me. Tonight I taught Elle about how Jesus made different parts of our bodies to do different things. (Eyes to see, hands to feel things, etc...) And she was really listening... And she absorbed it too, because she was copying things I did with my hands and eyes on her own hands and eyes...
I hope that I can be such a parent as mine are... They pour so much love out to me and my brother and sister....
Some parents abuse their children in ways I can't even fathom... But my parents usually kept their cool with me and held patience to an extent. Some parents don't even say "I love you" everyday to their children... But mine showed me their love through spending time with me, reading to me, going to my after-school activities, and being there to talk to when I needed them.
I only hope I can be as good of a parents to Elle as they were and still are to me. Tonight I taught Elle about how Jesus made different parts of our bodies to do different things. (Eyes to see, hands to feel things, etc...) And she was really listening... And she absorbed it too, because she was copying things I did with my hands and eyes on her own hands and eyes...
I hope that I can be such a parent as mine are... They pour so much love out to me and my brother and sister....
ओं अ "नोथिंग" डे.
The above text says "On a 'nothing' day". Not sure why it is in that silly format. This weekend... We did... Nothing. We went to the cabin yesterday.. Layed on the raft all day. Then picked Elle up in Webster... Then today, we went to church and went shopping for a bit. Then some more "nothing". I must say- some days it feels good to do nothing. I don't necessarily feel like my day is wasted... I actually felt like I had a pretty productive weekend!
I think sometimes we, as americans, get so ahead of ourselves, with such a long "to-do" list of stuff that "needs" to get done, that we don't take time to stop and smell the roses...
Well, this weekend, I literally got to stop and smell those roses... :) (Wild ones) I enjoyed this weekend so much...
And I thank God so much that He gave me this weekend.. To just sit back and enjoy His magnificance.. Not stressing out about the next thing on my list, not worrying about whether or not I needed to complete this project or that project... But just sitting there... In awe of Him. I got to spend a great weekend with a great person...
I think sometimes we, as americans, get so ahead of ourselves, with such a long "to-do" list of stuff that "needs" to get done, that we don't take time to stop and smell the roses...
Well, this weekend, I literally got to stop and smell those roses... :) (Wild ones) I enjoyed this weekend so much...
And I thank God so much that He gave me this weekend.. To just sit back and enjoy His magnificance.. Not stressing out about the next thing on my list, not worrying about whether or not I needed to complete this project or that project... But just sitting there... In awe of Him. I got to spend a great weekend with a great person...
26 June, 2010
VOICE
We were at a movie tonight and after the previews and before the actual movie, there is this bit on how we all need to be quiet during the movie.. (I.E. No babys screaming, no talking, no cell phones, etc...) And after the little skit, three words raced across the jumbo screen. "SILENCE IS GOLDEN." Normally I would agree with that. It is important to have silence sometimes... Whether it be for daily devotion with the One who created us, whether it be to just think, whether it be to just sleep.... But on this particular night, those three words went against every grain in my body. I shook furiously, right there in my seat... And I didn't understand why. Until now.
I have been dealing with some forms of temptation for a while now, and have been just kind of avoiding it recently. But I am digging my heels in. Whether or not I screw up, I won't know until I either fail, or succeed... But I am shouting at the top of my lungs, "I WILL NOT BE SILENT ANYMORE! I AM STANDING UP FOR MYSELF RIGHT NOW IN THIS VERY PLACE! I AM SICK OF BEING TEMPTED AND THE BIBLE SAYS THAT GOD WILL NOT LET US BE TEMPTED BEYOND WHAT WE ARE ABLE TO HANDLE, SO STOP TEMPTING ME, SATAN, AND STOP TRYING TO MAKE ME GO ASTRAY! I OWE IT TO GOD TO RESPECT THE BODY HE MADE FOR ME, AND I WILL PROTECT IT UNTIL THE DAY I AM MARRIED! SO CEASE YOUR ADVANCES!"
America wants us as christians to be silent. It wants to drown God out of the picture. Although it is easy to do, it is the wrong thing to do. We, as christians, need to stand up for God and need to be His disciples. We are called to a higer standard than society. We are called to His standards. Whether that be in the form or resistance to temptation, or in the form of sharing our faith with others, we should not be silent! We need to let our voices be heard among the others. We need to set strong examples of what a christian life is supposed to look like. Sure, it will not be perfect. No life ever has been except one. We will screw up. But as christians, we need to make it known to other people that our lives are different. When we screw up, we need to admit it and be able to say with confidence, "But God has forgiven me!"
I feel so strongly that I need to remain pure until the day I am married now. Looking back, Elle is definitely a gift from God... But I really want to marry the man who was man enough to wait for me... Who stuck by my side through everything OTHER than sex. I want to marry the man who respected my body, and proved to me time and time again, that he is 100% faithful to only me.
That's not too much to ask, is it?
I owe it to Elle. To myself. To my future husband. To GOD.
Silence is definitely not "golden" in this case...
I have been dealing with some forms of temptation for a while now, and have been just kind of avoiding it recently. But I am digging my heels in. Whether or not I screw up, I won't know until I either fail, or succeed... But I am shouting at the top of my lungs, "I WILL NOT BE SILENT ANYMORE! I AM STANDING UP FOR MYSELF RIGHT NOW IN THIS VERY PLACE! I AM SICK OF BEING TEMPTED AND THE BIBLE SAYS THAT GOD WILL NOT LET US BE TEMPTED BEYOND WHAT WE ARE ABLE TO HANDLE, SO STOP TEMPTING ME, SATAN, AND STOP TRYING TO MAKE ME GO ASTRAY! I OWE IT TO GOD TO RESPECT THE BODY HE MADE FOR ME, AND I WILL PROTECT IT UNTIL THE DAY I AM MARRIED! SO CEASE YOUR ADVANCES!"
America wants us as christians to be silent. It wants to drown God out of the picture. Although it is easy to do, it is the wrong thing to do. We, as christians, need to stand up for God and need to be His disciples. We are called to a higer standard than society. We are called to His standards. Whether that be in the form or resistance to temptation, or in the form of sharing our faith with others, we should not be silent! We need to let our voices be heard among the others. We need to set strong examples of what a christian life is supposed to look like. Sure, it will not be perfect. No life ever has been except one. We will screw up. But as christians, we need to make it known to other people that our lives are different. When we screw up, we need to admit it and be able to say with confidence, "But God has forgiven me!"
I feel so strongly that I need to remain pure until the day I am married now. Looking back, Elle is definitely a gift from God... But I really want to marry the man who was man enough to wait for me... Who stuck by my side through everything OTHER than sex. I want to marry the man who respected my body, and proved to me time and time again, that he is 100% faithful to only me.
That's not too much to ask, is it?
I owe it to Elle. To myself. To my future husband. To GOD.
Silence is definitely not "golden" in this case...
23 June, 2010
Motherhood is...
Easy? NOT ON YOUR LIFE.
Wonderful.
... Exhausting.
exhilarating.
Scary.
Always surprising.
Filled with love and laughs and smiles and tears and cuts and broken toys and broken hearts and moments that only a mother could love.
Nights that never seem to end when your child is sick, but in a week you look back at it and a small smile crosses your face in rememberance of the moments of holding that child in your arms... being their protector in a time of need..
Swinging, playing in the sandbox, losing at hopscotch, drying tears of a little one.
5, no, 6, no, 7 bedtime stories
Being able to be there for your child and loving no matter what. Unjudgementally, unconditionally.
Trusting your instincts. No matter what others say.
Not clutching on to the mistakes you make in parenting and realizing you start fresh tomorrow. And you can put to practice what you've learned.
FALLING IN LOVE EVERY DAY.
Going with the flow... (in lots of ways)
sitting back and admiring once in a while...
teaching your children to love. by example.
Realizing that if cleanliness is next to godliness, a child fresh out of a bathtub is like heaven on earth (Cheryl Karpen)
.taking time for yourself.
but spending ample time with your kids...
being a chauffer, cheerleader, teacher, friend, instigator, encourager,and most importantly, a glass of water from God, through you, to your children. They will drink up your attitudes, your motives, your heart, your thoughts.
Disclaimer:
I'm sure I missed something. But I can't think anymore.
Wonderful.
... Exhausting.
exhilarating.
Scary.
Always surprising.
Filled with love and laughs and smiles and tears and cuts and broken toys and broken hearts and moments that only a mother could love.
Nights that never seem to end when your child is sick, but in a week you look back at it and a small smile crosses your face in rememberance of the moments of holding that child in your arms... being their protector in a time of need..
Swinging, playing in the sandbox, losing at hopscotch, drying tears of a little one.
5, no, 6, no, 7 bedtime stories
Being able to be there for your child and loving no matter what. Unjudgementally, unconditionally.
Trusting your instincts. No matter what others say.
Not clutching on to the mistakes you make in parenting and realizing you start fresh tomorrow. And you can put to practice what you've learned.
FALLING IN LOVE EVERY DAY.
Going with the flow... (in lots of ways)
sitting back and admiring once in a while...
teaching your children to love. by example.
Realizing that if cleanliness is next to godliness, a child fresh out of a bathtub is like heaven on earth (Cheryl Karpen)
.taking time for yourself.
but spending ample time with your kids...
being a chauffer, cheerleader, teacher, friend, instigator, encourager,and most importantly, a glass of water from God, through you, to your children. They will drink up your attitudes, your motives, your heart, your thoughts.
Disclaimer:
I'm sure I missed something. But I can't think anymore.
17 June, 2010
Witch's Hat
This is the most beautiful place I have ever been.
The Witch's Hat Water Tower.
It's a magical place for Elle and myself.
A friend showed this place to me a while ago. It was special then. And it is special now. This is where I rededicated my life to Christ. And meant it.
16 June, 2010
Divine Intervention
God is so good.
I turn from Him and He stays put... Ready for me to come back into His arms. In the middle of sin... In the middle of being the furthest distance away from God that is possible, WILLINGLY sinning, HE just takes my desire away.. That's what I call divine intervention.... When you go from sinning to repenting all in 30 seconds... What a life-changing moment.
Elle reminds me of God's grace and forgivness all the time as well.
When she wraps her little arms around me after I discipline her it gives me reassurance.
She is a strong-willed child, but I know her heart.. And I know she desires deep down to obey...
I have been so blessed and God just keeps blessing me.. I really don't understand why He does it, but He does... :-)
I turn from Him and He stays put... Ready for me to come back into His arms. In the middle of sin... In the middle of being the furthest distance away from God that is possible, WILLINGLY sinning, HE just takes my desire away.. That's what I call divine intervention.... When you go from sinning to repenting all in 30 seconds... What a life-changing moment.
Elle reminds me of God's grace and forgivness all the time as well.
When she wraps her little arms around me after I discipline her it gives me reassurance.
She is a strong-willed child, but I know her heart.. And I know she desires deep down to obey...
I have been so blessed and God just keeps blessing me.. I really don't understand why He does it, but He does... :-)
03 June, 2010
E.L.L.E.
So many things have happened since I have last written..
So many experiences, so many new laughs... So many new thoughts...
But the most important thing that I have learned is to appreciate my child...
Elle Anne Hultberg.
Elle.
Little Elle.
Munchkin.
Elsworth.
RASCAL.
Shorty.
PipSqueek.
El..
Honey.
El Bell.
Age 2.5 Years.
Born October 27, 2007.
Changed my life forever.
In the past, ohh I would say Month, Elle and I have gotten this special bond... This mother-daughter friendship.... kind of
I still discipline her and am her authority figure, but I just really LOOK FORWARD to spending a lot of time with her... Even if it is just to be in the same room with her, or holding Pebbles and Bam-Bam (Our new bunnies from the Ellis's!!) or if it is just making her lunch.. I feel so honored that God would bless me with such a wonderful child.. I desire to spend as much time as possible with her... And I will be honest- it hasn't always been that way! I have recently realized just how special and fragile her life is... AND I have decided to soak up every minute of it I can.
She is so wonderful..
Lovely...
Beautiful...
Crazy....
Intelligent.....
Funny....
Real...
Smiley...
Smart....
Fun...
Zany...
Random...
Genuine...
Outgoing...
The list goes on and on and on and on and on.......................
So many experiences, so many new laughs... So many new thoughts...
But the most important thing that I have learned is to appreciate my child...
Elle Anne Hultberg.
Elle.
Little Elle.
Munchkin.
Elsworth.
RASCAL.
Shorty.
PipSqueek.
El..
Honey.
El Bell.
Age 2.5 Years.
Born October 27, 2007.
Changed my life forever.
In the past, ohh I would say Month, Elle and I have gotten this special bond... This mother-daughter friendship.... kind of
I still discipline her and am her authority figure, but I just really LOOK FORWARD to spending a lot of time with her... Even if it is just to be in the same room with her, or holding Pebbles and Bam-Bam (Our new bunnies from the Ellis's!!) or if it is just making her lunch.. I feel so honored that God would bless me with such a wonderful child.. I desire to spend as much time as possible with her... And I will be honest- it hasn't always been that way! I have recently realized just how special and fragile her life is... AND I have decided to soak up every minute of it I can.
She is so wonderful..
Lovely...
Beautiful...
Crazy....
Intelligent.....
Funny....
Real...
Smiley...
Smart....
Fun...
Zany...
Random...
Genuine...
Outgoing...
The list goes on and on and on and on and on.......................
25 May, 2010
God of Wonders
He works in such mysterious ways. Diane from People's Bank called today.
And guess what?
I. Got. The. Job.
I shouldn't have. But I did.
What does that tell ya?
And guess what?
I. Got. The. Job.
I shouldn't have. But I did.
What does that tell ya?
24 May, 2010
Importance
.After writing a whole bunch of stuff on this weekend and past week in mine and E's life, I sat there. And thought. And Deleted it. The important thing, that I need to remember in 10 years when I look back on this, is that
God is love....
Patient, kind, truth, light, not envious, not proud, not rude. He keeps no records of my wrongs. He forgets them the second I confess. As fas as the east is from the west..
HE IS LOVE!!
18 May, 2010
God Conquers All
It's like a sweet whisper in my ear.. "Kelsie I love you. Trust me." That's what God's timing reminds me of. I grow impatient and feel down on myself time and time agian. But God is always there, right next to me... Ready to back me up, pick me up when I fall, and most importantly, He is there to AMAZE me. Honestly...
God is there to conquer all... To listen. To be there. To talk to. To trust. To love. To sometimes let me deal with mistakes I have made. To sometimes help me get out of those mistakes.
The bible says that God will provide a way out of all temptation and mistakes we make. It doesn't say anywhere that it will be easy. Today's little "patch-up of mistakes" has to do with my car. That's right. Mr. Audi decided to be a pain in the rear end. Of course I am sad to see the poor boy go. But in his place, I get "Hondy Bear- the sequal". I love it. Tomorrow the transaction will be complete. Not going to go into detail on my journey with this car over the past couple days. But it has been a ride. That God has provided a way out of.
Another thing to thank God for is my job. No, it is not for sure... But I do have a glimmer of hope. After accepting the job at A&W I received a call this AM. People's bank wants to interview me. Possibly this will lead to a better paying job. Maybe not, but I am willing to trust that God knows what I need to be doing and where I should be working.
It's like... When I finally gave all my trust to God that He would handle it, and I accepted the job that was offered, God was like... "Ok, now I know you trust me... " And put this interview in my way. Even though I was discouraged, I decided to take the job. Even though it isn't something that is very fun to admit "Yeah... I um..... work ...at...... long john Silver's and A&W in Coon Rapids.." I was willing to take it.. And who knows? I might still have to keep it... But I know one thing-
God conquers all.. If I just give everything I am and have to Him, He knows what to do with it. Everything will fall into place eventually.. It's just a matter of seeing the path God takes me on while i'm on the way to having everything fall into place.
P.S... Even though I am trusting God, it doesn't mean that I am enthused about the new things He is bringing my way... But I guess let's just find the positive.. Right? If I can't have the things I want, I should want the things I have.... It's easy.. I have a lot to be thankful for.
Family
Elle
God
Food
A car that gets me from A to B
Clothes
A dog/companion
Chocolate covered Nuts. :-)
Elle willing to take a nap
The birds outside chirping and singing their songs
Flowers
A bed to sleep in
Shoes
Undies
Gas money
My mom's chicken noodle soup
Chalk,. Which I am going to go outside and draw with at this current moment.
God is there to conquer all... To listen. To be there. To talk to. To trust. To love. To sometimes let me deal with mistakes I have made. To sometimes help me get out of those mistakes.
The bible says that God will provide a way out of all temptation and mistakes we make. It doesn't say anywhere that it will be easy. Today's little "patch-up of mistakes" has to do with my car. That's right. Mr. Audi decided to be a pain in the rear end. Of course I am sad to see the poor boy go. But in his place, I get "Hondy Bear- the sequal". I love it. Tomorrow the transaction will be complete. Not going to go into detail on my journey with this car over the past couple days. But it has been a ride. That God has provided a way out of.
Another thing to thank God for is my job. No, it is not for sure... But I do have a glimmer of hope. After accepting the job at A&W I received a call this AM. People's bank wants to interview me. Possibly this will lead to a better paying job. Maybe not, but I am willing to trust that God knows what I need to be doing and where I should be working.
It's like... When I finally gave all my trust to God that He would handle it, and I accepted the job that was offered, God was like... "Ok, now I know you trust me... " And put this interview in my way. Even though I was discouraged, I decided to take the job. Even though it isn't something that is very fun to admit "Yeah... I um..... work ...at...... long john Silver's and A&W in Coon Rapids.." I was willing to take it.. And who knows? I might still have to keep it... But I know one thing-
God conquers all.. If I just give everything I am and have to Him, He knows what to do with it. Everything will fall into place eventually.. It's just a matter of seeing the path God takes me on while i'm on the way to having everything fall into place.
P.S... Even though I am trusting God, it doesn't mean that I am enthused about the new things He is bringing my way... But I guess let's just find the positive.. Right? If I can't have the things I want, I should want the things I have.... It's easy.. I have a lot to be thankful for.
Family
Elle
God
Food
A car that gets me from A to B
Clothes
A dog/companion
Chocolate covered Nuts. :-)
Elle willing to take a nap
The birds outside chirping and singing their songs
Flowers
A bed to sleep in
Shoes
Undies
Gas money
My mom's chicken noodle soup
Chalk,. Which I am going to go outside and draw with at this current moment.
17 May, 2010
Coming through to today
For the past few days, life has started to change a bit for me. There has been some good memories resurfacing, some not so good memories, and then there has been new ones made.
SATURDAY
We went to the cabin to rake leaves. JR Mess, Kristin, Jordan, and us. Grandpa was up there too working on some stuff. We started out pretty strong, for getting there at midday. (Elle was at Grant's this weekend so there was no little ones to watch) (As I sit and type this I am overjoyed.. She is currently holding on to my leg and looking blankly at the computer screen, obviously with no clue that I am typing about her .. SO ADORABLE!) Somewhere in the day, J and myself got annoyed with each other. Not sure who started it, not sure why.. Maybe it was just one of those days... A little while later, I was summoned to the beach to rake that. I finished it up with everyone else, and then was sitting in the sand making a sand castle just thinking.. Wondering what in the world was going on with myself and him... Why we were acting the way we were.
All the sudden, out of NOWHERE, these arms were locked under my arms, picking me up.. . My head was swirling... No clue who it was or their intentions with me. I realize, a little too late, that I am being DRAGGED into the lake... And just like that, I am out 20-30 feet, and my head is under water. I have water up my nose, I am trying to hold my breath as I realize I am under water. As I make my way to the surface, wipe my eyes out, breath AIR, and open my eyes, I see this boy... With a reddish goatee, and a BIG SMILE... Instantly, I start grinning.. Most girls would be furious... After all, he SOAKED all my clothes... My shoes are STILL wet today, and I had no other shoes or shorts with me.. Which all ended in a mud fight between the two of us.. But I couldn't help but smiling. I enjoy these little random moments that a lot of other people would absolutely hate.
.... On a side note, I know the bible says "'Revenge is mine', sayeth the Lord"... But... I can't help but feeling it is unfair that this whole ordeal was pre-mediated and he had time to take his shoes, socks, and shirt off before dousing me.... I think he needs a little retaliation... Not REVENGE per say, but definitely a little razzing... To be taken by surprise... :-) I'm not mad... I am just gonna get even.
SUNDAY
...What to say about yesterday. I went with J to look at a car in Bloomington.. Granted, even the word "Bloomington" brings something back to me... Good memories, bad memories.. We actually ended up going to Chad's house to get some stuff that I had left there. I never, in a million and 500 thousand years, would have thought that I would be going back there.. On that familiar street... With that familiar car in the driveway... LET ALONE that I went back with Josiah. All these things were running through my mind as I was driving down that street... I couldn't shake the feeling that I was going against every grain in my body. I didn't want to be going back down that road. I didn't want to be anywhere near that place. But I was there.. They talked.. Got along alright for the awkward situation.. Then it was over. And I came out alive. :-) I don't ever have to go back into that part of my life again. I can forget about it. God forgave me... Josiah forgave me. My family forgave me. I think I have finally forgiven myself. I can be done with it. (YESS!!!) Anyways... after we stopped there, we looked at the car. Honda Accord 1998 v6. Pretty car. Normal Honda rust, but looks and works great. I really am dying to put the original exhaust back on though. :) It will be quieter. But it is a great little car, and I am buying it... With the money J loaned me until I sell my Audi. Which brings me into
TODAY
..I had a job interview at 10:30 this AM at A&W and Long John Silver's in Coon Rapids. I just got called. He offered the job to me. 7 and a quarter... I haven't been paid that low since I was 16 I think. At ColdStone. I am going to have to work really hard to even get close to what I was getting at TCF per week. But the child support will help pay for Elle's expenses... So that will cut down on that area, which is deinitely nice. But I guess God is putting this in my way for a reason- maybe to be a friend to someone who doesn't have one.. Maybe to encourage a pregnant girl... Maybe to pray for someone that needs prayer there... Maybe to be a good example to someone who already has a child.. Maybe to humble myself.. Start from scratch again.. Ya know, like... I've completely come to the end of myself, and now I am starting over again. On the right track this time. He is going to make me work for my money.. I will be way more careful on what I spend it on. Or maybe God has me there to simply enjoy the perks of free root beer! (I gotta keep myself in a positive mood... Looking at the good things of this new job. Help me!) But I guess it is a blessing to be able to have money coming in soon. And I need to be thankful that God has blessed me with this... I need to be thankful that I am even going to get ANY money for YWAM this fall.. :) So here I am, thankful..
Tonight I am going with J to get my new old car.. I am getting more excited! After we get that, we are going to meet someone here at the house and I might be saying goodbye to my Audi...
12 May, 2010
Bedtime Blessings
...I find myself looking forward to "The Little Puppy". It's a story. A little boy named Tim wants a puppy real bad... He begs his parents and finally they say he can have one. He names him Charlie. And the book goes on to explain all the fun things they do together... Make messes, go fishing in Tim's grandfather's boat... etc...
The thing I love about this story isn't the story itself... It's the fact that it has become a bedtime ritual with Elle. We have been reading it everynight. I remember more and more parts by heart every single night.
I find myself thinking about it throughout the day... When everything is seeming to go wrong, when Elle is fussing over something silly, when I can't remember what I was supposed to be doing, when I am frustrated with something or someone else... I just think about those moments before bed that only Elle and myself share... Those moments when everything is quiet except my voice reading and her little fingers turning the pages. Those minutes before bed that God has blessed us with. It brings us closer together. Sometimes Elle will say a part that she remembers... sometimes she won't. Sometimes I will read only that book, but more often than not, it ends up being five books. (Or more)
I know it might be considered "bad" or "inattentive parenting" to not have a set bedtime for her... To not have her in bed the same time every night... But I don't care. I love reading with her. I love holding her in my arms... And quite frankly, bedtime is the only time when she will sit in my arms! Sometimes I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. But then we read at night and everything- all the frustrations, insecurities, sadness- goes away. It brings me back to earth... Right with Elle.. Right where I belong. I can identify myself with my job- being a MOM... Reading to her. Spending time with her. Cherishing all the laughs and moments throughout the day/night.. When she is "supposed to be in bed". That's when a lot of those moments happen... Those little bedtime blessings I will never forget.
The thing I love about this story isn't the story itself... It's the fact that it has become a bedtime ritual with Elle. We have been reading it everynight. I remember more and more parts by heart every single night.
I find myself thinking about it throughout the day... When everything is seeming to go wrong, when Elle is fussing over something silly, when I can't remember what I was supposed to be doing, when I am frustrated with something or someone else... I just think about those moments before bed that only Elle and myself share... Those moments when everything is quiet except my voice reading and her little fingers turning the pages. Those minutes before bed that God has blessed us with. It brings us closer together. Sometimes Elle will say a part that she remembers... sometimes she won't. Sometimes I will read only that book, but more often than not, it ends up being five books. (Or more)
I know it might be considered "bad" or "inattentive parenting" to not have a set bedtime for her... To not have her in bed the same time every night... But I don't care. I love reading with her. I love holding her in my arms... And quite frankly, bedtime is the only time when she will sit in my arms! Sometimes I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. But then we read at night and everything- all the frustrations, insecurities, sadness- goes away. It brings me back to earth... Right with Elle.. Right where I belong. I can identify myself with my job- being a MOM... Reading to her. Spending time with her. Cherishing all the laughs and moments throughout the day/night.. When she is "supposed to be in bed". That's when a lot of those moments happen... Those little bedtime blessings I will never forget.
10 May, 2010
Don't worry, be happy!
As I lay in my bed with Elle this afternoon, (I told her we could snuggle before she took a nap, which ended in being a full nap for both herself and me) I felt an ultimate sense of contentment. I felt God's protection on us. He let me know everything would work out... No more worrying about a job, no more worrying about if I will raise enough YWAM money. No more worrying about what degree to shoot for in school.. No more worrying about finances. No more worrying about Elle in an unhealthy way. (Other than the normal worries... "Don't go in the road"!) (A huge struggle within the past few months as I haven't been working but feverently looking for a job to have money to support my child and get completely out of debt... And to not have to borrow money from other people..) As I lay there, I just gave all my frustrations to God. All my worries... All my insecurities... He made me the way I am. He will open doors and close them. He knows my situations and He knows how to tweak them into something that can bless Him. Or He knows that what is happening right now is exactly what needs to happen in order to continue to shape my character and relationship with Him. I just let go of EVERYTHING. I am at the end.. Crying out to God to show me... Let me know what the next step is. I have nothing left.. Other than my daughter and people.... And God. I let everything go... All worries about everything. All the things I have been holding on to and taking upon myself.. I put them into God's hands...
Afterall, He IS the one who knows everything... How to handle everything. How to do anything, how to change anything..
Why not put everything in His hands? He does a much better job with handling my life than I do.
Jer. 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord.
He's got His plan. I have just decided to merge my plan with His.
Let's see where that takes us.
Afterall, He IS the one who knows everything... How to handle everything. How to do anything, how to change anything..
Why not put everything in His hands? He does a much better job with handling my life than I do.
Jer. 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord.
He's got His plan. I have just decided to merge my plan with His.
Let's see where that takes us.
07 May, 2010
The Site Manager
I was reading an article from Focus on the Family and Rose Kennedy once said, " I looked on child rearing not only as a work of love and duty but as a profession that demanded the best I could bring to it."
I think Rose is RIGHT. Learning slowly, reflecting on my life since Elle, I learn that REAL bonding is something that happens at home... Not at church, not at school, (which is in her near future...) not anywhere but home... It's where Elle is going to learn to trust, and how to handle relationships. Just the other day, my mom was commenting on Josiah's family and saying what a "great home family he comes from". (Something along those words.. Not verbatim though) It goes to show that a child learns how to act, how to have relationships, how to trust, how to love... from the home life. It is where Elle is going to learn who she is.
Home is the place we go every night and home is the place where we find comfort. (most people) Home serves as a protector from the ugly world and all its entirety.
I have been thinking a lot... And what better job than to be the person who is at home... To give time and evergy and care to each person in the house... Individually and together. Each child is going to have their own thoughts and talents and struggles... And what better job than to KNOW my children!?
A good analogy I read this morning in "The value of Stay-At-Hme moms" is that on a construction site, there is always a site manager. He or she is an on-site leader, and their job is to make sure everything runs smoothly... Jobs are getting done, blue prints are being followed, and basically people are doing what they need to do. They communicate with the general contractor about how things are being done and how to do things better and how to make the whole job run more smoothly. That should be like the jobs of the parents... Although only one can be there at all times, (pending financial situations and desires work in this direction) they both can talk and confer with each other. And I believe it is good to have one home at all times. If both parents want to work, that's fine. I don't judge it. But for myself, I am slowly realizing that I want to be the Site manager... And my future husband can be like the general contractor... (Because he isn't going to be there all the time... Working and all)
I just have a new-found respect for women who stay at home..
I think Rose is RIGHT. Learning slowly, reflecting on my life since Elle, I learn that REAL bonding is something that happens at home... Not at church, not at school, (which is in her near future...) not anywhere but home... It's where Elle is going to learn to trust, and how to handle relationships. Just the other day, my mom was commenting on Josiah's family and saying what a "great home family he comes from". (Something along those words.. Not verbatim though) It goes to show that a child learns how to act, how to have relationships, how to trust, how to love... from the home life. It is where Elle is going to learn who she is.
Home is the place we go every night and home is the place where we find comfort. (most people) Home serves as a protector from the ugly world and all its entirety.
I have been thinking a lot... And what better job than to be the person who is at home... To give time and evergy and care to each person in the house... Individually and together. Each child is going to have their own thoughts and talents and struggles... And what better job than to KNOW my children!?
A good analogy I read this morning in "The value of Stay-At-Hme moms" is that on a construction site, there is always a site manager. He or she is an on-site leader, and their job is to make sure everything runs smoothly... Jobs are getting done, blue prints are being followed, and basically people are doing what they need to do. They communicate with the general contractor about how things are being done and how to do things better and how to make the whole job run more smoothly. That should be like the jobs of the parents... Although only one can be there at all times, (pending financial situations and desires work in this direction) they both can talk and confer with each other. And I believe it is good to have one home at all times. If both parents want to work, that's fine. I don't judge it. But for myself, I am slowly realizing that I want to be the Site manager... And my future husband can be like the general contractor... (Because he isn't going to be there all the time... Working and all)
I just have a new-found respect for women who stay at home..
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