Triumphant Surrender

Today, as I sat in church, the pastor spoke about... Well... THIS.
My life.


My heart has been hurting. Some of you may know what is going on, some of you don't. I'd rather not go into detail. All I know is that I am still trying to fully surrender everything. Into God's authority. Other people don't have to- that is fine. but I'm gonna. No, I am not going to do it perfect. I guarantee I will continue to mess up and fail. But. I am giving it my best shot. If you do have something that frustrates you about me, though, please don't hesitate to talk to me about it. I am cleaning the slate. Starting fresh...

That is one of the many great things about God... He is ALWAYS ready to start over at ground zero with you.

So... To start over..
I have been fighting temptation. Doing much better. Feeling much better...

To LLL:
I am sorry that I ever hurt you. I am sorry for everything that I have done to misuse your trust. I am asking your forgiveness. I want to be able to talk and joke around and feel welcome in your house again. I deserve it now. Let me prove it to you. I love you so much and thank you for being honest with me about how you felt. It only shows how much you care about me and value my life. I hope things can go back to their original state though... Because that was awesome. And you are too wonderful of a person to be angry at.

To my mother:
I am sorry for hurting you and being irresponsible and taking for granted all the things you have done for me. You are so wonderful and I can only hope that I am as good of a mother as you someday.

To Deb:
I miss talking to you. I miss laughing and eating SALADS with you. There is so much that has been happening in my life, and I think we need to have lunch soon.

To RDM:
You are one of the greatest people ever made. Period. You mean so much. I appreciate you opening your home for me. Thank you for putting up with my mess for 6 months. Thank you for being Elle's godmother.

To S.E. :
I hope your trust will be restored in me. I hope that you understand I never tried or am going to try to hurt you or anyone in your family. I am sorry for whatever I did to offend you or anger you in any way.

Now that I have said my peace, I start over...Politely taking my spot back next to Jesus Christ. At His right hand. In full surrender to His authority. He is the only one I am under authority to. And I am surrendering my whole entire life to Him... Very random, but it doesn't matter. This is how I feel right now. And this is what I wanted to say.