Everyone has a list.. A list of either new year's resolutions, or a list of things they wish to improve.. Or a list of groceries.. This world has a never-ending LIST of things to be done, things to obtain, and so much more.
Well here's my contribution to the list-madness.
THINGS I WANT FOR LIVING MY 23RD YEAR
-Health for Elle and myself
-God to work in my heart in these areas:
a. patience
b. understanding
c. wisdom
d. peace
e. trustworthiness
f. oneness with HIM
g. better understanding of christian parenting
h. Holy Spirit living strong in my life
-Good decisions on where to go next in life
-To grow a closer and more fulfilling relationship with God
-To understand the Bible on a deeper level
-To put forth more "down-time" into educational lessons with Elle
Those are my desires for my 23rd year of life.
16 November, 2011
23 August, 2011
Blah-g
I have prided myself on being honest and open with my blogging. I have tried to let anyone who reads this to be able to jump into mine and Elle's lives for a few minutes at a time. But I must say, I really have been having trouble writing lately. It feels like everything in life has gone from vibrant color to gray. Even though there are so many things to attend to in life, I seem to have nothing to say. Everyday life just consumes me. Schedules are packed and I drag my feet from one place to another. Maybe I am drained. Maybe I am too tired at the end of the day to write anything. Maybe this blog era has ended.
But then again, maybe gray can be a good color too.. Maybe gray is the color just before the vibrant orange, or electric green. Or bright purple. Maybe things will turn around. Maybe things will fall into place.
Everything just seems so scattered and out of place.
Lord-willing, the bright will come back. The sunshine will show itself.
But then again, maybe gray can be a good color too.. Maybe gray is the color just before the vibrant orange, or electric green. Or bright purple. Maybe things will turn around. Maybe things will fall into place.
Everything just seems so scattered and out of place.
Lord-willing, the bright will come back. The sunshine will show itself.
07 August, 2011
A Fix-it man?
I am sitting on my bed with the covers strewn about, down in my 8x8 bedroom at my parents' house. It isn't actually a room. It was made to be an office. But when my sister and I were old enough, (I was 9 she was 12) we decided we didn't want to share rooms anymore. So, while my parents were at work, we made the "office" into a "bedroom". And for some reason, they never made us change it back.
But that's not why I am writing tonight.
I am writing because GOD HAS CONTROL IN EVERYTHING. We just need to let Him take the reigns.
Tonight, Josiah and I broke down with each other. There are so many things that we have been letting build up and stress us out in our life. So many finance frustrations, house-searching, wedding saving, etc... things that we are trying to juggle all while trying to hold steady jobs, raise a little girl 10 out of every 14 days, and soon to come, I will be going to school again.
So needless to say from the previous run-on sentences, we were extremely troubled.
"God, we come to you tonight..."
We prayed together as a couple for the first time in months. And not just "a prayer". It was so powerful. God's presence was there tonight. We gave Him all our worries, doubts, fears, frustrations, and everything else we were tightly holding on to.We prayed that He would fix our relationship. That He would come back full force into it. We prayed that He would mend what needs to be mended, and that He would be involved in all our upcoming decisions. Full control to the one pilot that will actually take over and be flawless at His job. We prayed for peace and wisdom, we prayed for priorities to line up with what He wants... And after that prayer, something weird happened.
We tried to turn the car on. The battery was dead.
We waited..
... .
.
...
.......
....
...
.
..
And you know what? When we turned the car over again, it fired right off! Only this time, the check engine light that has been on since we got the car was OFF. And it stayed off the whole way home for Josiah.
And you know what?
We believe with all our hearts that it was God's confirmation that NOTHING is out of His hands. NOTHING in this world is something He can't do. It is going to be a reminder that HE is in control over our worlds. Because, you know what? He can fix ANYTHING. Even if it has been broken for a really long time...
But that's not why I am writing tonight.
I am writing because GOD HAS CONTROL IN EVERYTHING. We just need to let Him take the reigns.
Tonight, Josiah and I broke down with each other. There are so many things that we have been letting build up and stress us out in our life. So many finance frustrations, house-searching, wedding saving, etc... things that we are trying to juggle all while trying to hold steady jobs, raise a little girl 10 out of every 14 days, and soon to come, I will be going to school again.
So needless to say from the previous run-on sentences, we were extremely troubled.
"God, we come to you tonight..."
We prayed together as a couple for the first time in months. And not just "a prayer". It was so powerful. God's presence was there tonight. We gave Him all our worries, doubts, fears, frustrations, and everything else we were tightly holding on to.We prayed that He would fix our relationship. That He would come back full force into it. We prayed that He would mend what needs to be mended, and that He would be involved in all our upcoming decisions. Full control to the one pilot that will actually take over and be flawless at His job. We prayed for peace and wisdom, we prayed for priorities to line up with what He wants... And after that prayer, something weird happened.
We tried to turn the car on. The battery was dead.
We waited..
... .
.
...
.......
....
...
.
..
And you know what? When we turned the car over again, it fired right off! Only this time, the check engine light that has been on since we got the car was OFF. And it stayed off the whole way home for Josiah.
And you know what?
We believe with all our hearts that it was God's confirmation that NOTHING is out of His hands. NOTHING in this world is something He can't do. It is going to be a reminder that HE is in control over our worlds. Because, you know what? He can fix ANYTHING. Even if it has been broken for a really long time...
22 July, 2011
It.
I don't know how to explain it. But I will do my best.
Something comes over me.
Take tonight for example. I have two unused tickets to the St. Paul Saints game. It is happening. Right now. But somehow... Some way.. we didn't go. So now I sit here. Pondering what happened. Pondering the events leading to this moment.
The emptiness I feel inside. Is it me? Why am I so crazy? It starts as a feeling. A feeling of uncertainty. It turns into anger. Sheer madness. It then graduates to hatred. Not only for myself, but for everyone around me. I am uncontrollable. And when I get like this,
stay away.
I don't understand it. It seems like a whirlwind of events and emotions. I feel used, unloved, lied to, uncherished, ugly, stupid, fat, foolish, embarrassed, disgusted, helpless, and wicked. All at once. It takes a tight hold of me. I have no say in my actions, no say in my word choice. I scream, I run, I yell, I silence myself.
It holds me for a passing of time. Sometimes it even hurts me.
I see it. Or do I imagine it?
It has scraggly hair.
It has a long oval-shaped face with bony cheeks.
It has fingernails that are long and chipped. They have dirt under them.
It has a beard.
It is skinny and walks with a slouch.
It has extremely pale (almost transparent) skin.
It can appear out of nowhere with a devilish grin.
It jumps from place to place very quickly.
It has dark saggy eyes.
It can make me scared in an instant.
I can feel its' presence when it is drawing near.
It takes hold of me and doesn't let go for a period of time.
I try to fight it, but it seems to no avail.
I scream in anguish. "LET ME GO, LET ME GO! STOP! YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE!!"
After it has tried to take the life out of me, it leaves, unsuccessful.
Life goes back to normal.
Then the second whirlwind of emotions happens.
Sadness, the feeling that I am extremely abnormal, embarrassment again. Sometimes there are physical side affects, too. I am exhausted. My body needs to rest after it happens.
I can't remember what happens a lot of the time when it does have a hold of me. All I know is that it is trying to destroy me. It is trying to kill me. It is telling me things and confusing me.
It.. is more than just an "it".
It.. is a living, terrifying being.
Is it trying to take Elle too? Is that the "lion" she talks about? When she is unconrollable, is "it" taking control of her?
Please- if you read this.. Pray for my little girl and me. We need a revelation of God in our lives. We need love. We need support.
Something comes over me.
Take tonight for example. I have two unused tickets to the St. Paul Saints game. It is happening. Right now. But somehow... Some way.. we didn't go. So now I sit here. Pondering what happened. Pondering the events leading to this moment.
The emptiness I feel inside. Is it me? Why am I so crazy? It starts as a feeling. A feeling of uncertainty. It turns into anger. Sheer madness. It then graduates to hatred. Not only for myself, but for everyone around me. I am uncontrollable. And when I get like this,
stay away.
I don't understand it. It seems like a whirlwind of events and emotions. I feel used, unloved, lied to, uncherished, ugly, stupid, fat, foolish, embarrassed, disgusted, helpless, and wicked. All at once. It takes a tight hold of me. I have no say in my actions, no say in my word choice. I scream, I run, I yell, I silence myself.
It holds me for a passing of time. Sometimes it even hurts me.
I see it. Or do I imagine it?
It has scraggly hair.
It has a long oval-shaped face with bony cheeks.
It has fingernails that are long and chipped. They have dirt under them.
It has a beard.
It is skinny and walks with a slouch.
It has extremely pale (almost transparent) skin.
It can appear out of nowhere with a devilish grin.
It jumps from place to place very quickly.
It has dark saggy eyes.
It can make me scared in an instant.
I can feel its' presence when it is drawing near.
It takes hold of me and doesn't let go for a period of time.
I try to fight it, but it seems to no avail.
I scream in anguish. "LET ME GO, LET ME GO! STOP! YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE!!"
After it has tried to take the life out of me, it leaves, unsuccessful.
Life goes back to normal.
Then the second whirlwind of emotions happens.
Sadness, the feeling that I am extremely abnormal, embarrassment again. Sometimes there are physical side affects, too. I am exhausted. My body needs to rest after it happens.
I can't remember what happens a lot of the time when it does have a hold of me. All I know is that it is trying to destroy me. It is trying to kill me. It is telling me things and confusing me.
It.. is more than just an "it".
It.. is a living, terrifying being.
Is it trying to take Elle too? Is that the "lion" she talks about? When she is unconrollable, is "it" taking control of her?
Please- if you read this.. Pray for my little girl and me. We need a revelation of God in our lives. We need love. We need support.
15 July, 2011
A one-liner from the funniest kid around
Me: "Elle, that is why, if you flirt with cops, they won't give you a ticket!"
Elle: "Yeah, but mom.. If you PUNCH a cop you will get a ticket."
Elle: "Yeah, but mom.. If you PUNCH a cop you will get a ticket."
08 July, 2011
Operation: Wedding blueprint
"Getting married"..
Isn't that something most girls have thought about since they first picked up a Barbie and Ken doll?
I know I have. I have dreamed of this day for so long... What types of centerpieces, where it would be, how many people, bridesmaid dress color,the type of food and dancing that will be at the reception, how my hair will be done and so much more.
I have married countless Ken and Barbie dolls to each other, each with a slightly different atmosphere, but ultimately a perfect ending.
I have carried a blueprint of what my "perfect ending" wedding would look like for as long as I can remember... There are just two things that I have missed:
1.) The groom... In the FLESH.
2.) The Creator of marriage's involvement in our special day... God.
Have I romanticized myself about this day so much that the groom's face is a blur? Am I in love with the idea of a "wedding" or am I in love with the man I am going to be waking up next to for the next 60 years? The man I am going to have a "marriage" with. How have I invested time into that lately? Have I just let the excitement of "stargazers or daisies" and "white or ivory chair covers" overthrow what this day is actually celebrating? The holy union of man and woman's relationship with each other under God's authority?
I have decided something, on this 8th day of July, 2011.
I, Kelsie Joy Hultberg, DESIRE GOD in my wedding. I want to bring Him in. Involve Him. After all, He is the One who created the idea of marriage. He created man and woman. He created all the beautiful things that go into this lifetime investment. He is the ONLY center glue of what will ultimately hold this relationship together.
So often in the past, I have felt like I am not worthy of God's presence in my life. I am a dirty rotten sinner, so I have hidden my face from His. I have been so ashamed of my life- past regrets and mistakes.. But you know what? Not anymore.
I am asking God to come into this time of preparation for the road ahead.
God, I INVITE you to be a special part of this day. Let it be centered not on us, but on YOU and the grace and mercy you have extended toward us countless times.
I want to walk down that aisle, with a white runner, in a white dress, feeling confident that I deserve it. I desire a clear conscience and a certainty beyond a shadow of a doubt.
God, I wouldn't ever dream of inviting a stranger to my wedding. I don't want you to be a stranger when you are at ours. Please, show me who you are again. Clear my eyes, Clear my conscience, clear my worldly ways. Give us a refreshment that will last a lifetime. Give us everlasting grace and mercy as we join hands together in your house. Be the center of our celebration in a year. Be the center of our household. Be the core of everything we do and say and think.
Isn't that something most girls have thought about since they first picked up a Barbie and Ken doll?
I know I have. I have dreamed of this day for so long... What types of centerpieces, where it would be, how many people, bridesmaid dress color,the type of food and dancing that will be at the reception, how my hair will be done and so much more.
I have married countless Ken and Barbie dolls to each other, each with a slightly different atmosphere, but ultimately a perfect ending.
I have carried a blueprint of what my "perfect ending" wedding would look like for as long as I can remember... There are just two things that I have missed:
1.) The groom... In the FLESH.
2.) The Creator of marriage's involvement in our special day... God.
Have I romanticized myself about this day so much that the groom's face is a blur? Am I in love with the idea of a "wedding" or am I in love with the man I am going to be waking up next to for the next 60 years? The man I am going to have a "marriage" with. How have I invested time into that lately? Have I just let the excitement of "stargazers or daisies" and "white or ivory chair covers" overthrow what this day is actually celebrating? The holy union of man and woman's relationship with each other under God's authority?
I have decided something, on this 8th day of July, 2011.
I, Kelsie Joy Hultberg, DESIRE GOD in my wedding. I want to bring Him in. Involve Him. After all, He is the One who created the idea of marriage. He created man and woman. He created all the beautiful things that go into this lifetime investment. He is the ONLY center glue of what will ultimately hold this relationship together.
So often in the past, I have felt like I am not worthy of God's presence in my life. I am a dirty rotten sinner, so I have hidden my face from His. I have been so ashamed of my life- past regrets and mistakes.. But you know what? Not anymore.
I am asking God to come into this time of preparation for the road ahead.
God, I INVITE you to be a special part of this day. Let it be centered not on us, but on YOU and the grace and mercy you have extended toward us countless times.
I want to walk down that aisle, with a white runner, in a white dress, feeling confident that I deserve it. I desire a clear conscience and a certainty beyond a shadow of a doubt.
God, I wouldn't ever dream of inviting a stranger to my wedding. I don't want you to be a stranger when you are at ours. Please, show me who you are again. Clear my eyes, Clear my conscience, clear my worldly ways. Give us a refreshment that will last a lifetime. Give us everlasting grace and mercy as we join hands together in your house. Be the center of our celebration in a year. Be the center of our household. Be the core of everything we do and say and think.
01 July, 2011
Pocket full of Sunshine
She brightens my life up. She is a relief at the end of a hard day.
God put me in charge of this little girl for a REASON. And He expects me to be strong for her. I am supposed to be her mother- her protector from all the evils of this world.
So I try. I do my best to be everything I can be for her.
But inevitably, there are days when I am down.. Days when I can't take any more. Moments that I am seconds away from giving up. Times I start crying and just need someone to be there. Periods when I don't know where to go next.
There she comes. Pitter patter down the stairs.. Outside to sit next to me... Into the kitchen with a big smile on her face.
It is that moment when I snap back into reality and remember that I need to be strong.
For her.
I know I am her protector on earth...
But isn't it okay for me to sometimes just let my guard down and let Elle be the one to cheer me up? Isn't it okay for me to enjoy the mini-sunshine God blessed me with? Isn't it okay for me to draw off her up-beat energy to bring me back to my normal self?
God put me in charge of this little girl for a REASON. And He expects me to be strong for her. I am supposed to be her mother- her protector from all the evils of this world.
So I try. I do my best to be everything I can be for her.
But inevitably, there are days when I am down.. Days when I can't take any more. Moments that I am seconds away from giving up. Times I start crying and just need someone to be there. Periods when I don't know where to go next.
There she comes. Pitter patter down the stairs.. Outside to sit next to me... Into the kitchen with a big smile on her face.
It is that moment when I snap back into reality and remember that I need to be strong.
For her.
I know I am her protector on earth...
But isn't it okay for me to sometimes just let my guard down and let Elle be the one to cheer me up? Isn't it okay for me to enjoy the mini-sunshine God blessed me with? Isn't it okay for me to draw off her up-beat energy to bring me back to my normal self?
30 May, 2011
Goin' to the chapel and we're gonna get ma-a-aried...
That's right, world of blog readers! This girl is gettin' hitched! Did I honestly think it would happen this fast? Not in a million years. But it did. And I am so excited to be saying that God gave me someone that truly makes me a better woman. We're not sure when yet, but sooner rather than later. Thank you all in advance, for praying for ourmarriage and supporting us in our decision to get married.. pray God's wisdom, grace, faithfulness, and love in our relationship. He is the One who brought us together and we definitely owe all our thanks to Him. Pray for wisdom on what to do as well: whether we should stay here (America) or go into the missions field. Thank you all for supporting us in prayer.
27 May, 2011
Elle.already.has.a.father.
I have come to a recent discovery... Made, with the help of one of my dear friends. I have said on this blog, more than once, that Elle needs a father. And I have made reference to the fact that even if she doesn't have one on earth, she does in heaven. Well, I just wanted to clear the air about that. What I means was that I am not married to anyone. So when she is with me (5 out of 7 days) she doesn't have that security she needs.. But, indeed, Elle has a father. An earthly one. And he is the best father anyone could ever be to her. That is why God chose him to be Elle's daddy. To Grant Arneson: Thank you so much for everything you have been to Elle and myself. You care so much about her and I know you do. You show it daily. You had to grow up quickly when we had our precious little girl, but you have become a better man because of it. You are such a light in her life. Please keep loving her and giving her the security she needs in a father. you have become a best friend to myself, and a better person since having Elle. I look around, and I see so many children whose fathers aren't even in their lives. You, Grant Arneson, are such a wonderful father. You not only spend time with her as much as you can, but you fill her with joy and laughter, hugs and kisses! The kinds of things a child should have from her dad. Thank you for loving Elle as much and thoroughly as you do.
Love,
Kelsie Hultberg
Love,
Kelsie Hultberg
03 April, 2011
Let's get this train -a- movin'!
Today as I was sitting in my car with a dear friend, I was thinking about life; how short 80 years actually is. I mean, I have already lived 21 of them and am currently living my 22nd year. And based on the average lifespan, I am already over 1/4 of the way out of this world.
What have I done for this world? For Jesus?
Who have I affected?
Has it been in positive or negative ways?
What am I currently living for? This world, or the world after death?
Who am I teaching Elle to live like/for?
Who am I showing love toward?
Am I maintaining relationships with my family?
As I am sitting here on my bed writing this, I am still pondering these questions.
It is hitting me: I am ready to move on to the next phase of my life.
I want to get married. Have my own little family unit. And then make that family unit bigger. I also want to finish my degree. But mostly, I want to teach my children to love Jesus and others. I want to be an awesome example as a mother. This is the next phase, as far as I am concerned. Settling DOWN. Unless God calls me to something totally different, this is the general direction I am headed now. I mean, as a single mother, my desire is becoming more and more to have a hubby there every night to spend time with and for Elle to be with. So? What am I waiting for?
I only have about 60 years left.. Let's get rollin'!
TOOT TOOT!
What have I done for this world? For Jesus?
Who have I affected?
Has it been in positive or negative ways?
What am I currently living for? This world, or the world after death?
Who am I teaching Elle to live like/for?
Who am I showing love toward?
Am I maintaining relationships with my family?
As I am sitting here on my bed writing this, I am still pondering these questions.
It is hitting me: I am ready to move on to the next phase of my life.
I want to get married. Have my own little family unit. And then make that family unit bigger. I also want to finish my degree. But mostly, I want to teach my children to love Jesus and others. I want to be an awesome example as a mother. This is the next phase, as far as I am concerned. Settling DOWN. Unless God calls me to something totally different, this is the general direction I am headed now. I mean, as a single mother, my desire is becoming more and more to have a hubby there every night to spend time with and for Elle to be with. So? What am I waiting for?
I only have about 60 years left.. Let's get rollin'!
TOOT TOOT!
29 March, 2011
My Future
I've really been thinking a lot lately... And I have been praying about what I want in a future husband and father for Elle. And here's what I came up with:
I want someone who is random and loves adventure
A person who has freckles and dimples
Someone who can be an amazing father to Elle
A man who will write me random, ridiculous love notes
Someone I have known since forever
A guy who wants a big family in the country
Someone taller than I am
A GENTLEMAN
who will ride dirt-bikes with me
and will help me with the household chores
and who will exercise with me
... Have I found him yet?
I want someone who is random and loves adventure
A person who has freckles and dimples
Someone who can be an amazing father to Elle
A man who will write me random, ridiculous love notes
Someone I have known since forever
A guy who wants a big family in the country
Someone taller than I am
A GENTLEMAN
who will ride dirt-bikes with me
and will help me with the household chores
and who will exercise with me
... Have I found him yet?
22 March, 2011
Quarter-Century Lovers
Today marks the 25th wedding anniversary of John Michael Hultberg and Lori Georgina Weichelt.
Congratulations, parents!
God has blessed me so much with the best parents anyone could EVER ask for..
My parents.
Wow. That is a loaded word. Parents. They have done so much for me. They have taught me so many things. They have done so much more then the average "parent" would do.
Tonight I asked their advice on a happy and healthy 25 years of marriage.
My mom said find someone you are in love with who you trust 100% with no doubts. Someone with God as numero uno in their life. Have fun.
My dad said find someone not grumpy. Referring to himself.
Bahaha
I love my parents so much and Here's to another 25 years of marriage for them!
Protective mama much? Think about her FATHER!
Tonight as I was telling my family about my upcoming travels to Chicago to see a friend, they warned me about the south side of Chicago. My first instinct was to drown them out... But then I started thinking... And thinking... And I thought about the cold hard truth that someone there could easily take my daughter and me and separate us.I could be raped and killed and not able to protect my darling Elle. The rage inside me started building.. And building.. And then all the sudden I realized how insignificant my life is to the world. I mean, another human could easily take my life and have no compassion for the daughter I would be leaving behind... They could go as far as hurting or even killing her.
It made me think really hard. And thus fed my need to cry out to God in anxiety..
God embedded this protective-parent thing into us when He made us. He created me to want to save Elle from any harm that might come upon her. But when it comes down to it, I am NOTHING in comparison to Him. His comfort, His protection..
He loves Elle so much more than I ever could! I can take comfort in knowing that no matter what happens on earth, He is watching over us. Things that are seemingly out of control, He understands fully and is keeping watch over them.
What would I do without my Lord, Jesus Christ?
I'd be even more of a basket case. That's what.
It made me think really hard. And thus fed my need to cry out to God in anxiety..
God embedded this protective-parent thing into us when He made us. He created me to want to save Elle from any harm that might come upon her. But when it comes down to it, I am NOTHING in comparison to Him. His comfort, His protection..
He loves Elle so much more than I ever could! I can take comfort in knowing that no matter what happens on earth, He is watching over us. Things that are seemingly out of control, He understands fully and is keeping watch over them.
What would I do without my Lord, Jesus Christ?
I'd be even more of a basket case. That's what.
08 March, 2011
To a 17 year old girl
I have been going through some things the last four years or so that have been way beyond my maturity level. I have made a lot of decisions that have swept me out of my teenage normalcy into a whirlwind of stressful months and a lot of hurt feelings made by me and happening to me.
After birthing my child at age 17, I engaged in many destructive decisions in my life. I made commitments I did not keep and I gave up on my faith. I made choices that affected Elle and me in a negative way. And for the past four years I have been battling through. I have learned so many things- the hard way.
This blog isn't intended to be a "downer", but I am just stating reality. Of course, amidst those terrible times I have had a blast being a mom and raising my daughter to her fullest potential. I have enjoyed late night giggles and morning coffee with her. I have been so blessed to grow WITH her and learn to parent her as she needs it. I have had a blast figuring out what exactly it is to be a mother and I am so happy that I get to be a mother to Elle.
Along with the blessing of becoming a mother, I have had to give up things in my life that a normal teenager would easily take for granted. I mean I am a MOM now. I can't go through that party stage. I can't go through just making decisions for myself. When I dress in the morning, I not only dress myself, but Elle as well. There are so many sacrifices I have made when I chose to be a mother at 17. I don't "date" just for the sake of dating. (Which I am very happy about) When I find a mate, he needs to be approved, not just by me, but Elle too.
..After reading the last paragraph, I think that maybe Elle "saved" me from all that stuff. It was turned into a huge BLESSING that I am not making decisions for myself, but for another life. It's a blessing that I am not able to go through a party stage or date just to date.
If I were to talk to a 17 year old pregnant girl, I would probably say something like this:
This is going to be the HARDEST thing you ever will have to endure. Whether you see it or not right now, you will have to give up so many things in your life. You will make endless sacrifices for your little baby. Day and night, you will need to be thinking about what is best for your child. But- if you keep the right mindset, these things won't seem like sacrifices. They will be blessings.
Keep your head up, there. Make your family a priority.. Not just your child, but your immediate and extended family as well. If you don't have a supportive family, then find friends you trust and who build you up. Keep God at the very core of every relationship you have. Look to Him for EVERYTHING and HE WILL follow through, meeting your every need.
This will be, BY FAR, the toughest and most rewarding thing you will EVER do in your life. Period. Savor the moments you are up at night with a fussy baby. Because there will never be another "tonight" with your child.. Time continues and they grow older. So enjoy the time you have and work hard at it every day. Congratulations on becoming a "mommy"!!!
After birthing my child at age 17, I engaged in many destructive decisions in my life. I made commitments I did not keep and I gave up on my faith. I made choices that affected Elle and me in a negative way. And for the past four years I have been battling through. I have learned so many things- the hard way.
This blog isn't intended to be a "downer", but I am just stating reality. Of course, amidst those terrible times I have had a blast being a mom and raising my daughter to her fullest potential. I have enjoyed late night giggles and morning coffee with her. I have been so blessed to grow WITH her and learn to parent her as she needs it. I have had a blast figuring out what exactly it is to be a mother and I am so happy that I get to be a mother to Elle.
Along with the blessing of becoming a mother, I have had to give up things in my life that a normal teenager would easily take for granted. I mean I am a MOM now. I can't go through that party stage. I can't go through just making decisions for myself. When I dress in the morning, I not only dress myself, but Elle as well. There are so many sacrifices I have made when I chose to be a mother at 17. I don't "date" just for the sake of dating. (Which I am very happy about) When I find a mate, he needs to be approved, not just by me, but Elle too.
..After reading the last paragraph, I think that maybe Elle "saved" me from all that stuff. It was turned into a huge BLESSING that I am not making decisions for myself, but for another life. It's a blessing that I am not able to go through a party stage or date just to date.
If I were to talk to a 17 year old pregnant girl, I would probably say something like this:
This is going to be the HARDEST thing you ever will have to endure. Whether you see it or not right now, you will have to give up so many things in your life. You will make endless sacrifices for your little baby. Day and night, you will need to be thinking about what is best for your child. But- if you keep the right mindset, these things won't seem like sacrifices. They will be blessings.
Keep your head up, there. Make your family a priority.. Not just your child, but your immediate and extended family as well. If you don't have a supportive family, then find friends you trust and who build you up. Keep God at the very core of every relationship you have. Look to Him for EVERYTHING and HE WILL follow through, meeting your every need.
This will be, BY FAR, the toughest and most rewarding thing you will EVER do in your life. Period. Savor the moments you are up at night with a fussy baby. Because there will never be another "tonight" with your child.. Time continues and they grow older. So enjoy the time you have and work hard at it every day. Congratulations on becoming a "mommy"!!!
04 March, 2011
It's Over
It is officially over. I mean, we had a good run. It was fun while it lasted.
I have been trying for such a long time to see the excitement in this relationship. I have been trying to think of ways for things to be changed up a bit. But I have been increasingly frustrated.. And the relationship itself was a great one- it was steady and never let me down.
But my feelings started to change. I started to get itchy for something better... Something more fun. Something new and exciting. I have been trying to stay put for a while- but it's no use.... So here it goes:
I, Kelsie Hultberg, am no longer in a relationship with the Samsung alias 2; I am now seriously involved with the Android Incredible 3G phone. And I am so glad I am!
I have been trying for such a long time to see the excitement in this relationship. I have been trying to think of ways for things to be changed up a bit. But I have been increasingly frustrated.. And the relationship itself was a great one- it was steady and never let me down.
But my feelings started to change. I started to get itchy for something better... Something more fun. Something new and exciting. I have been trying to stay put for a while- but it's no use.... So here it goes:
I, Kelsie Hultberg, am no longer in a relationship with the Samsung alias 2; I am now seriously involved with the Android Incredible 3G phone. And I am so glad I am!
23 February, 2011
To: My best friend
Today I learned something:
The person that God wants in my life will be there no matter what. And when I found that person, I shouldn't have ever let him go.
To Josiah Benjamin Ellis:
You are the best friend I could ever have asked for.
You are everything I need and want in one.
I am so sorry I hurt you so bad in the past. I am so sorry that I have put you through so much junk... But ya know what? Us walking through all of it really proves our friendship. And the fact that we are still friends shows that we are definitely not going to lose each other.
Not sure if any of that made any sense.
But- I do know that you are the kindest, most understanding, forgiving, loyal, sweetest, attractive, cheerful, zany, kind-hearted, interesting, magnificent, protective, witty, silly, adorable, honorable, honest, attentive, clever, considerate, most spontaneous friend I have EVER had.
Thank you so much for caring about me and being a part of my life.. a HUGE part!
And I thank God so much for you. Your input. Your love. Your compassion and encouragement toward me when no one else has any faith in me.
THANK YOU JOSIAH ELLIS.
Here's to the next 70+ years of being in each other's life, experiencing new things together, learning more about each other; becoming closer and closer of the best of friends.
Love ya Josiah
Kelsie J. Hultberg
The person that God wants in my life will be there no matter what. And when I found that person, I shouldn't have ever let him go.
To Josiah Benjamin Ellis:
You are the best friend I could ever have asked for.
You are everything I need and want in one.
I am so sorry I hurt you so bad in the past. I am so sorry that I have put you through so much junk... But ya know what? Us walking through all of it really proves our friendship. And the fact that we are still friends shows that we are definitely not going to lose each other.
Not sure if any of that made any sense.
But- I do know that you are the kindest, most understanding, forgiving, loyal, sweetest, attractive, cheerful, zany, kind-hearted, interesting, magnificent, protective, witty, silly, adorable, honorable, honest, attentive, clever, considerate, most spontaneous friend I have EVER had.
Thank you so much for caring about me and being a part of my life.. a HUGE part!
And I thank God so much for you. Your input. Your love. Your compassion and encouragement toward me when no one else has any faith in me.
THANK YOU JOSIAH ELLIS.
Here's to the next 70+ years of being in each other's life, experiencing new things together, learning more about each other; becoming closer and closer of the best of friends.
Love ya Josiah
Kelsie J. Hultberg
16 February, 2011
I am HIS
I have been going to this Women's Bible study the last month or so and it is a bible study on hearing God's voice. This is a study that is definitely a "God-thing" because it is EXACTLY what I need right now at this stage of my life.
One thing that hit me is that
GOD KNOWS ME... I am His daughter. Much like I know Elle... What she needs, how much slack I can give her, how tight I need to hold those reins, what she can handle and what she can't, God knows that about me! So who am I to compare what God gives to other people?
Exactly.
I have no business doing that.
If God wants my best friend to be married and not me, though that is the desire of my heart right now, then that is what is best for me.
If God knows I can't handle a certain movie, that's alright- He knows best. As I continue to move and press in to Him, He will "give me the desires of my heart".. Meaning that the Holy Spirit will change my hearts desires to line up more and more with what God wants for my life.
God knows that I wouldn't be able to make healthy decisions living on my own and so right now, at this time in my life, He has me in my parent's home.
There are so many things that became so clear tonight. I wondered "Why, God, do you have me at this PLACE AND STAGE in life?" And tonight I just found out why.
Because, like I want to protect my daughter from any harm to herself, God wants to protect me- His daughter.
Another thing I learned tonight is that God doesn't need to be someone I talk to when I want something... I mean, I already knew that. But it was brought to my attention that God is someone who deserves a RELATIONSHIP with me.
I mean, I don't want to be friends with someone who just wants to be my friend to get something for his/herself, but I want someone to be friends with me because they genuinely want to CONNECT with me. "Kelsie, when you go to the Word, or you go to God, are you looking at/for things YOU want, or are you looking at/for what you can learn about God?"
That question has truly hit some strings in my heart tonight.
Deut 4:29- "But from there you will seek the Lord your God , and you will find Him if you search for Him with all your heart and all your soul."
One thing that hit me is that
GOD KNOWS ME... I am His daughter. Much like I know Elle... What she needs, how much slack I can give her, how tight I need to hold those reins, what she can handle and what she can't, God knows that about me! So who am I to compare what God gives to other people?
Exactly.
I have no business doing that.
If God wants my best friend to be married and not me, though that is the desire of my heart right now, then that is what is best for me.
If God knows I can't handle a certain movie, that's alright- He knows best. As I continue to move and press in to Him, He will "give me the desires of my heart".. Meaning that the Holy Spirit will change my hearts desires to line up more and more with what God wants for my life.
God knows that I wouldn't be able to make healthy decisions living on my own and so right now, at this time in my life, He has me in my parent's home.
There are so many things that became so clear tonight. I wondered "Why, God, do you have me at this PLACE AND STAGE in life?" And tonight I just found out why.
Because, like I want to protect my daughter from any harm to herself, God wants to protect me- His daughter.
Another thing I learned tonight is that God doesn't need to be someone I talk to when I want something... I mean, I already knew that. But it was brought to my attention that God is someone who deserves a RELATIONSHIP with me.
I mean, I don't want to be friends with someone who just wants to be my friend to get something for his/herself, but I want someone to be friends with me because they genuinely want to CONNECT with me. "Kelsie, when you go to the Word, or you go to God, are you looking at/for things YOU want, or are you looking at/for what you can learn about God?"
That question has truly hit some strings in my heart tonight.
Deut 4:29- "But from there you will seek the Lord your God , and you will find Him if you search for Him with all your heart and all your soul."
13 February, 2011
Kelsie 101
I have been thinking a lot. About every area of my life and here's what I have come up with:
I don't need to listen to the negatives in this world. I HAVE changed and am continuing to change. It's just that this time it is a slower moving change, because I am not doing it to please people- I am doing it at my own pace, with my Lord.
I don't need to spill my guts to everyone about everything going on in my life to prove I am being honest- just a few close friends will do.
It is OK and not irresponsible to see the light in things - even laugh- even though everything around me is crumbling.
It is a good thing to talk to my daughter like she knows what I am saying-because 99% of the time she does! There is absolutely no use in dumbing things down for my child unless it is to protect her spiritually or physically.
It is perfectly acceptable to let people fall out of my life who don't need to be there- family or not- if they can judge me and say stuff behind my back, I can write them out. Just because I have screwed up doesn't mean that I should let myself me beaten up over it.
I deserve to be loved: Even though I have screwed it up in the past.
Jer. 31:3 I AM LOVED WITH AN EVERLASTING LOVE!
I AM important in someones eye. Deut. 32:10 says that I am the APPLE of His eye!
I DO have the ability to accomplish anything in front of me... Being an AWESOME parent, a wonderful wife, an example to others... 2 Cor 3:5 says that HE has made me competent in Him!!
I am NOT too guilty to accomplish anything. MY conscience has NOT been over ridden with guilt and shame yet... HEBREWS 9:14 says that the blood of Jesus Christ has cleansed my conscience because my sins were nailed to the cross.
And lastly, I am the way I am because of tons of events in my life- if I let my sins get me down, or I let people keep mauling me with my past, I am going to go nowhere... So it is definitely the right thing to move on, take my share of responsibility for my junk, watch who I talk to, have a blast, and serve God for the rest of my life!
Thank you so much Lord, for second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, tenth, thousandth, millionth chances.. And all those in between.
I don't need to listen to the negatives in this world. I HAVE changed and am continuing to change. It's just that this time it is a slower moving change, because I am not doing it to please people- I am doing it at my own pace, with my Lord.
I don't need to spill my guts to everyone about everything going on in my life to prove I am being honest- just a few close friends will do.
It is OK and not irresponsible to see the light in things - even laugh- even though everything around me is crumbling.
It is a good thing to talk to my daughter like she knows what I am saying-because 99% of the time she does! There is absolutely no use in dumbing things down for my child unless it is to protect her spiritually or physically.
It is perfectly acceptable to let people fall out of my life who don't need to be there- family or not- if they can judge me and say stuff behind my back, I can write them out. Just because I have screwed up doesn't mean that I should let myself me beaten up over it.
I deserve to be loved: Even though I have screwed it up in the past.
Jer. 31:3 I AM LOVED WITH AN EVERLASTING LOVE!
I AM important in someones eye. Deut. 32:10 says that I am the APPLE of His eye!
I DO have the ability to accomplish anything in front of me... Being an AWESOME parent, a wonderful wife, an example to others... 2 Cor 3:5 says that HE has made me competent in Him!!
I am NOT too guilty to accomplish anything. MY conscience has NOT been over ridden with guilt and shame yet... HEBREWS 9:14 says that the blood of Jesus Christ has cleansed my conscience because my sins were nailed to the cross.
And lastly, I am the way I am because of tons of events in my life- if I let my sins get me down, or I let people keep mauling me with my past, I am going to go nowhere... So it is definitely the right thing to move on, take my share of responsibility for my junk, watch who I talk to, have a blast, and serve God for the rest of my life!
Thank you so much Lord, for second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, tenth, thousandth, millionth chances.. And all those in between.
12 February, 2011
Thank God
Tonight as I was putting my daughter into bed... Saying our prayers... Talking about our day, she grabs my face... And says, in the most breath-taking voice, "Mommy, you are SO beautiful...."
When I think back to the time I was pregnant, I think about the choices I had to make. It wasn't just a normal pregnancy. There were lots of other elements added into it.
I think about all the decisions... Abortion? Absolutely NOT. Adoption or raising her?
And boy, am I sure glad I made the decision I did.
I can't imagine another person raising my daughter right now... All the laughs would belong to some other parent. All the giggles... Tears... Frustrations...
Thank you so much God, for helping me make the decision I did.
When I think back to the time I was pregnant, I think about the choices I had to make. It wasn't just a normal pregnancy. There were lots of other elements added into it.
I think about all the decisions... Abortion? Absolutely NOT. Adoption or raising her?
And boy, am I sure glad I made the decision I did.
I can't imagine another person raising my daughter right now... All the laughs would belong to some other parent. All the giggles... Tears... Frustrations...
Thank you so much God, for helping me make the decision I did.
31 January, 2011
.
Last night we went tubing.. My two cousins, two of my best friends, Elle and myself.
As we were goofing off on that hill it hit me- this is it.. This is the beginning of my new life.
God totally CAN make things beautiful.. He CAN and WILL help me turn my life around. I don't care what anyone else says.. They don't have to read this if they don't like it.
Sorry, but I KNOW that my God is full of unending, unconditional love.. And YES, that does come with consequences but it also comes with grace.. And I know that my God is always willing to meet me.. Right where I am at.
As we were goofing off on that hill it hit me- this is it.. This is the beginning of my new life.
God totally CAN make things beautiful.. He CAN and WILL help me turn my life around. I don't care what anyone else says.. They don't have to read this if they don't like it.
Sorry, but I KNOW that my God is full of unending, unconditional love.. And YES, that does come with consequences but it also comes with grace.. And I know that my God is always willing to meet me.. Right where I am at.
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