Today as I was sitting in my car with a dear friend, I was thinking about life; how short 80 years actually is. I mean, I have already lived 21 of them and am currently living my 22nd year. And based on the average lifespan, I am already over 1/4 of the way out of this world.
What have I done for this world? For Jesus?
Who have I affected?
Has it been in positive or negative ways?
What am I currently living for? This world, or the world after death?
Who am I teaching Elle to live like/for?
Who am I showing love toward?
Am I maintaining relationships with my family?
As I am sitting here on my bed writing this, I am still pondering these questions.
It is hitting me: I am ready to move on to the next phase of my life.
I want to get married. Have my own little family unit. And then make that family unit bigger. I also want to finish my degree. But mostly, I want to teach my children to love Jesus and others. I want to be an awesome example as a mother. This is the next phase, as far as I am concerned. Settling DOWN. Unless God calls me to something totally different, this is the general direction I am headed now. I mean, as a single mother, my desire is becoming more and more to have a hubby there every night to spend time with and for Elle to be with. So? What am I waiting for?
I only have about 60 years left.. Let's get rollin'!
TOOT TOOT!
i feel like im at the same stage in my life kelso... i just feel sooooooo bogged down being a full time single dad... dontget me wrong i love every second of it... but i also know that its no way to live... i dont wanna be at my parents house... i want to finish my degree and start working again so i can get a house for payton and i... but i simply cant until the summer is over... I WANNA GET MARRIED TOO!! but the woman im madly in love with dosent feel the same way :( i wanna be a family and make things right... i wanna go to church on sundays with my family... i just wanna live life with my WHOLE family, im so sick of it being just me and payton... i wanna be the super daddy and the super hubby for that lucky girl...but apparently thats never gonna happen.... so now im at the point where idk what to do... any suggestions?
ReplyDelete*Sando*
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ReplyDeleteShe already knows how you feel.. She knows her choice. All you can honestly do is pray for her and Payton. And wait. And be faithful to what you think God wants you to do. And if that means to let her go, that's what it means. But if you feel that you need to hold on, then do. I know the feeling of wanting to be a complete family, though. With a dad and a mom. :-) I will pray for you too, Sando.
ReplyDeleteJust do what God tells you to do. You can't go wrong with that.