F.R.O.G.

I never knew there would be an acronym from when I was a kid that would truly stick in my head and mean something so important to me. I have court with Grant over Elle tomorrow. It's just child support, but you never know what her father might pull. So I am striving to be ready for anything- including a custody battle beginning. There are so many things running through my head- so many little loose ends I need to tie up before tomorrow morning. Lynda is accompanying me to the courthouse. the knots in my stomach are compounding every moment, and the sweat under my brow is dripping just thinking about the tough day ahead of me. But I know that if I F.R.O.G. (fully rely on god) everything will turn out how it is supposed to. He has me under His almighty wing and only He knows how things will pan out. An acronym I learned in 5th grade, has so much pull in my world right now. Please pray for me for wisdom in what to say and for the ability to remove myself from an emotional state of mind to a mind outside the chaos.

Lord, have intervention in tomorrow's hearing. Please.

Lond Weekend, long-lasting memories

First off, when I think of a road trip or a vacation, I don't picture Elle and myself cramped in a van for 13 hours one way. I picture ourselves on a beach somewhere building a sandcastle and sucking on popsicles... But life doesn't always treat us that way. Which is exactly why Friday morning at 5:30 AM we were sitting in the backseat of a van with Lynda, Joel, Kailey, Bev and Abby. Abby decided to come last minute... LITERALLY.
Before I get ahead of myself, we went to Ozark Arkansas, to the YWAM base that Jim and Barb Nizza run. Joel was going to do some work, so I thought it would be interesting if I at least come with Elle to know what to expect come September, if we end up going there. The way down there not too much happened. A couple creepy people, a few times that the doors were locked with nervous glances to each other, but other than that, a very peaceful way down there...

"No-uhh!!"
"AMISH PEOPLE ARE REAL!!??"

Friday evening we got there in time to eat dinner and then got to see our rooms.
WE SLEPT IN AN OLD MENTAL INSTITUTION...
And when I say that, I MEAN it. When I walked into the room I would be staying in, I got creeped out. There were ware marks on the floor from crazy people pacing back and forth all those years. And at the entrance doors to each wing from the lobby, there were dents from people getting out of their rooms at night and pounding on the doors.That base has so much spiritual warfare, it's not even close to humorous..

Elle and I also got to meet our new friends Elise and her daughter Ella-Jean! Saturday morning Elise and myself and Jen talked for a while. I like having conversations with other moms. Saturday night we went with Elise and EJ to get ice cream at McDonald's.

Sunday night, we decided that we were going to Sonic after a trip to Wal Mart. Well, we saw Jake (whom Elle has a HUGE crush on) in the aisle, so him and Elise and Ella-Jean came with to Sonic and piled in our van for a little party. Well, with me in the driver's seat, I forgot to turn the lights off.. And when we went to leave, the van clicked but wouldn't turn over. We tried about 6 or 7 times and finally a gentleman came over. He asked me to pop the hood, but I laughed and said that I didn't know how to because it wasn't my van. I got out, as did Lynda, and between spitting chew all over the ground in front of me, he tried to say that the "COOIIILLL PAAAACK" was out and that it would cost $140 to fix it. He also said that the van would have to be there the night, because the store wasn't open until 7 AM. Then his other 4 friends came over and one said it was the battery.. Well, we jumped it, and sure enough, it was the battery. (Praise GOD it didn't cost anything to fix it!!) Anyways, we sat there for a while after they left, and then decided it was time to leave. As we were leaving, the boys came out of nowhere, and said that they could give me their number in case we needed any more help.. Which, of course, I declined. It shows how southern hospitality can kind of be a selfish thing! They weren't helping us because they were good-hearted, they were helping us because they wanted something in return.
Sick.
Today, we drove home early and got home late. I prayed with Lynda, Joel, Barb, Jim and Bev today before we left. We prayed about the new house plans and about Joe's work situation and about Ryan, and about my decision to go to YWAM. God will answer all these prayers, in His own time..

I have a peace in my life and thoughts right now. God will take care of everything. I just need to be along for the ride and learn how to enjoy it.

Random day of F-U-N!

Most days are pretty interesting with El and myself. I figured today we should go to Target. We got some breadsticks at the Pizza Hut Express and sat down to eat. After we were done, we went up and down the aisles, and picked out a couple of crafty projects for El and myself to do in the next couple of days.

Today was one of those days that is just... kind of... chill-lax. I enjoy these.
This weekend we might go to Ozark, AR. That will be cool then we get to FINALLY meet Elise!

Lazy Days

Today is kind of a lazy day. Elle is sitting by me at the moment. I really enjoy not working.. It is tough because I am going to lose money fast, BUT it is worth it because I get to spend all my time with Elle! She is such a character! Today we didn't really do anything other than spend time with each other. We went to target with Katie Freeby and went to a couple of other places.. But nothing really was planned. I enjoy these days!!

Insomnia has it's blessings...

Since I couldn't sleep last night, I decided to watch Evan Almighty. It was a pretty funny movie and hey- who knew Steve Carrell could be in a movie that was suitable for young children? ;-)
Anyways, back on track. I was watching the movie, and I looked over at Elle and she was sleeping so peacefully, all snuggled up in her bed. As I looked into the pack n play, a small tear rolled down my cheek. God created this little baby for me to take care of. For me to raise, (never mind the fact that I am raising her as a single mother... :( But more about that later...) for me to love... I wouldn't have wanted to be asleep for anything last night. Treasuring those moments when your child is asleep is a MUST in any parent to-do list.

"If you've got the money, I've got the time."

After a long weekend, I begrudgingly went to church on Sunday. I hadn't gotten much sleep Saturday night, (Or Friday night, for that matter. Slept next to my cousin on the floor after an allergic reaction.) So needless to say, I wasn't exactly in the "God-worshipping" mood. On top of that, the pastor talked about tithing. Which is ironic to me, seeing as of March 15, I don't have a job. Sitting in that church, listening to the pastor speak on this important message, I began to shake. My heart started beating faster and faster, and I was surprised that the person sitting next to me didn't say anything. My palms got all sweaty, and as I began to get up to walk out, it hit me. Like a TON of bricks. No- TWO tons of bricks. God doesn't CARE how much or how little I make. He doesn't CARE that I don't have an income. All He cares about is that I worship Him and give him offerings of what I DO have- which He MORE than deserves- I mean, He DOES run this world on a daily basis. It's not my money anyways. It is His money that He is letting me use while I am on this earth.
When I realized this, it became a whole lot clearer. I need to be storing up my treasure in Heaven. Not wasting it on materialistic things on this earth. Even though I don't have a whole lot in the ol' bank account right now, I can ALWAYS afford to give to the One who gave life to me.

One thing I DO know is that God is magnificent in His timing and plans. And HE is the only one who I want to make happy. HE is my desire. HE is the one I care about... And HIS thoughts are what matters to me. God is faithful and just, and He will never let me down or forsake me. So sorry, Willie Nelson, I don't have the money for you, so you don't got the time for me. I'm storing it elsewhere.

New Beginnings- let's get real.

Today is a day of new beginnings. A new blog, a new direction... A new pair of tennis shoes.. ;-)

So often, I have worried about what other people have thought. Or I have not been "myself" because a certain group of people act different. Well, I hope this blog creates a sense of genuinity within myself and the people who end up reading this.This is the uncut, uncensored, raw material from mine and Elle's lives. Moments that I'm sure will embarass us, will make us laugh,and even moments that will make us cry. But I don't care. Maybe something in here will someday offend you or make you think less of us. But this is us and who we are. And if you don't like that, then you don't have to read this.