...I find myself looking forward to "The Little Puppy". It's a story. A little boy named Tim wants a puppy real bad... He begs his parents and finally they say he can have one. He names him Charlie. And the book goes on to explain all the fun things they do together... Make messes, go fishing in Tim's grandfather's boat... etc...
The thing I love about this story isn't the story itself... It's the fact that it has become a bedtime ritual with Elle. We have been reading it everynight. I remember more and more parts by heart every single night.
I find myself thinking about it throughout the day... When everything is seeming to go wrong, when Elle is fussing over something silly, when I can't remember what I was supposed to be doing, when I am frustrated with something or someone else... I just think about those moments before bed that only Elle and myself share... Those moments when everything is quiet except my voice reading and her little fingers turning the pages. Those minutes before bed that God has blessed us with. It brings us closer together. Sometimes Elle will say a part that she remembers... sometimes she won't. Sometimes I will read only that book, but more often than not, it ends up being five books. (Or more)
I know it might be considered "bad" or "inattentive parenting" to not have a set bedtime for her... To not have her in bed the same time every night... But I don't care. I love reading with her. I love holding her in my arms... And quite frankly, bedtime is the only time when she will sit in my arms! Sometimes I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. But then we read at night and everything- all the frustrations, insecurities, sadness- goes away. It brings me back to earth... Right with Elle.. Right where I belong. I can identify myself with my job- being a MOM... Reading to her. Spending time with her. Cherishing all the laughs and moments throughout the day/night.. When she is "supposed to be in bed". That's when a lot of those moments happen... Those little bedtime blessings I will never forget.
12 May, 2010
10 May, 2010
Don't worry, be happy!
As I lay in my bed with Elle this afternoon, (I told her we could snuggle before she took a nap, which ended in being a full nap for both herself and me) I felt an ultimate sense of contentment. I felt God's protection on us. He let me know everything would work out... No more worrying about a job, no more worrying about if I will raise enough YWAM money. No more worrying about what degree to shoot for in school.. No more worrying about finances. No more worrying about Elle in an unhealthy way. (Other than the normal worries... "Don't go in the road"!) (A huge struggle within the past few months as I haven't been working but feverently looking for a job to have money to support my child and get completely out of debt... And to not have to borrow money from other people..) As I lay there, I just gave all my frustrations to God. All my worries... All my insecurities... He made me the way I am. He will open doors and close them. He knows my situations and He knows how to tweak them into something that can bless Him. Or He knows that what is happening right now is exactly what needs to happen in order to continue to shape my character and relationship with Him. I just let go of EVERYTHING. I am at the end.. Crying out to God to show me... Let me know what the next step is. I have nothing left.. Other than my daughter and people.... And God. I let everything go... All worries about everything. All the things I have been holding on to and taking upon myself.. I put them into God's hands...
Afterall, He IS the one who knows everything... How to handle everything. How to do anything, how to change anything..
Why not put everything in His hands? He does a much better job with handling my life than I do.
Jer. 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord.
He's got His plan. I have just decided to merge my plan with His.
Let's see where that takes us.
Afterall, He IS the one who knows everything... How to handle everything. How to do anything, how to change anything..
Why not put everything in His hands? He does a much better job with handling my life than I do.
Jer. 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord.
He's got His plan. I have just decided to merge my plan with His.
Let's see where that takes us.
07 May, 2010
The Site Manager
I was reading an article from Focus on the Family and Rose Kennedy once said, " I looked on child rearing not only as a work of love and duty but as a profession that demanded the best I could bring to it."
I think Rose is RIGHT. Learning slowly, reflecting on my life since Elle, I learn that REAL bonding is something that happens at home... Not at church, not at school, (which is in her near future...) not anywhere but home... It's where Elle is going to learn to trust, and how to handle relationships. Just the other day, my mom was commenting on Josiah's family and saying what a "great home family he comes from". (Something along those words.. Not verbatim though) It goes to show that a child learns how to act, how to have relationships, how to trust, how to love... from the home life. It is where Elle is going to learn who she is.
Home is the place we go every night and home is the place where we find comfort. (most people) Home serves as a protector from the ugly world and all its entirety.
I have been thinking a lot... And what better job than to be the person who is at home... To give time and evergy and care to each person in the house... Individually and together. Each child is going to have their own thoughts and talents and struggles... And what better job than to KNOW my children!?
A good analogy I read this morning in "The value of Stay-At-Hme moms" is that on a construction site, there is always a site manager. He or she is an on-site leader, and their job is to make sure everything runs smoothly... Jobs are getting done, blue prints are being followed, and basically people are doing what they need to do. They communicate with the general contractor about how things are being done and how to do things better and how to make the whole job run more smoothly. That should be like the jobs of the parents... Although only one can be there at all times, (pending financial situations and desires work in this direction) they both can talk and confer with each other. And I believe it is good to have one home at all times. If both parents want to work, that's fine. I don't judge it. But for myself, I am slowly realizing that I want to be the Site manager... And my future husband can be like the general contractor... (Because he isn't going to be there all the time... Working and all)
I just have a new-found respect for women who stay at home..
I think Rose is RIGHT. Learning slowly, reflecting on my life since Elle, I learn that REAL bonding is something that happens at home... Not at church, not at school, (which is in her near future...) not anywhere but home... It's where Elle is going to learn to trust, and how to handle relationships. Just the other day, my mom was commenting on Josiah's family and saying what a "great home family he comes from". (Something along those words.. Not verbatim though) It goes to show that a child learns how to act, how to have relationships, how to trust, how to love... from the home life. It is where Elle is going to learn who she is.
Home is the place we go every night and home is the place where we find comfort. (most people) Home serves as a protector from the ugly world and all its entirety.
I have been thinking a lot... And what better job than to be the person who is at home... To give time and evergy and care to each person in the house... Individually and together. Each child is going to have their own thoughts and talents and struggles... And what better job than to KNOW my children!?
A good analogy I read this morning in "The value of Stay-At-Hme moms" is that on a construction site, there is always a site manager. He or she is an on-site leader, and their job is to make sure everything runs smoothly... Jobs are getting done, blue prints are being followed, and basically people are doing what they need to do. They communicate with the general contractor about how things are being done and how to do things better and how to make the whole job run more smoothly. That should be like the jobs of the parents... Although only one can be there at all times, (pending financial situations and desires work in this direction) they both can talk and confer with each other. And I believe it is good to have one home at all times. If both parents want to work, that's fine. I don't judge it. But for myself, I am slowly realizing that I want to be the Site manager... And my future husband can be like the general contractor... (Because he isn't going to be there all the time... Working and all)
I just have a new-found respect for women who stay at home..
06 May, 2010
CAUTION: Cliffs and boulders ahead. Proceed with caution.
... I KNOW there will be obstacles in my life.. In the path I choose to walk. I KNOW there will be times I question the path I went. But I want to choose the path that honors God and that will show what my priorities are. Lastnight my mom and I were talking about my priorities and my desire for life and she said that she aw that I made a full circle... I have my priorities straight.
I don't need a beautiful house. I don't need the nicest, best car. I don't need materialistic things. I am not bringing those to heaven. Over and over again, God blesses me. I literally have 26 cents in my checking account right now, and God is just providing ways to have money for me. He gave me a beautiful daughter who is SO SO SO much fun to be around and so much fun to teach and talk to and read to. And laugh with.... God DEFINITELY made "laughing".. Because her laugh brings me so much joy. The other night it was probably around 11 and I hadn't put her to bed because she had woken up late from a nap... And we were in my parent's kitchen just LAUGHING... We couldn't stop!! It was a night I won't forget.
God has also blessed me with a family who cares about and loves me so much.. They are always there no matter what, and I can go to anyone at any time and they will help me out.
And a boyfriend who will be my husband someday (hopefully!!!). He has such a Godly heart. He truly wants to serve God with me for the rest of his life.... And honor my dad... But not only that, he is FUN! The funnest person I have ever met.. By far! And the cool thing, is my parents can see it. And his FAMILY... God blessed me with getting to know his family. They are such a great family and (even my mom said) they will make amazing in-laws someday.
ANYWAYS... God has blessed me with all these things and more! A dog.. A house. A car. A heart that realizes all these things..
In my life, I just want to make Him happy. I want to have fun doing it, too! I might end up homeschooling my children. Not having the "perfect" better homes and gardens house. Not having a prada bag, or a brand new car off the showroom floor, or that new flatscreen 10' by 10' tv everyone is raving about. BUT on the other hand, I get the time with my family. And time with the Lord. And I get time to enjoy the blessings He has given me.
I was reading in this recipe book about priorities and this teacher had this glass jar and put a golfballs in it and asked the class if it was full. They said YES. Then he put pebbles in it... And then asked if it was full.. They said YES. He then put sone sand in there to fill the spaces between the pebbles and gold balls. And asked if they thought it was full.. They said YES! Then he put two cups of coffee in the jar and it was filled to the top.. the professor then went on to explain that all the elements in that jar were ourpriorities.. And the golf balls were supposed to be God, family, loved ones, etc... (and fun!!!) And the pebbles were the little things that don't matter as much but are necessary.. Such as work, payments, etc... The sand was those things that we need to fit in the spaces between the important things... TV and stuff that shouldn't be a priority. And then the professor said that if we were to put the priorities in backwards, (doing the not important things first) we wouldn't have any place to fit the big things (golf balls) such as God and familytime, in our lives..
Then some kid asked "what was the coffee for?" And the professor said with a smile, "It is to remind us that it doesn't hurt to have a couple cups of cofee with friends once in a while!"
It really put things into perspective for me. I think I finally have most of my priorities straight. Just keep praying that I continue to have this!
I mean I know somedays there will be obstacles and it will be hard to keep things right, but I feel like I am on the right track to doing so a majority of the time... Ya know?
And that's all anyone can ask for..
I don't need a beautiful house. I don't need the nicest, best car. I don't need materialistic things. I am not bringing those to heaven. Over and over again, God blesses me. I literally have 26 cents in my checking account right now, and God is just providing ways to have money for me. He gave me a beautiful daughter who is SO SO SO much fun to be around and so much fun to teach and talk to and read to. And laugh with.... God DEFINITELY made "laughing".. Because her laugh brings me so much joy. The other night it was probably around 11 and I hadn't put her to bed because she had woken up late from a nap... And we were in my parent's kitchen just LAUGHING... We couldn't stop!! It was a night I won't forget.
God has also blessed me with a family who cares about and loves me so much.. They are always there no matter what, and I can go to anyone at any time and they will help me out.
And a boyfriend who will be my husband someday (hopefully!!!). He has such a Godly heart. He truly wants to serve God with me for the rest of his life.... And honor my dad... But not only that, he is FUN! The funnest person I have ever met.. By far! And the cool thing, is my parents can see it. And his FAMILY... God blessed me with getting to know his family. They are such a great family and (even my mom said) they will make amazing in-laws someday.
ANYWAYS... God has blessed me with all these things and more! A dog.. A house. A car. A heart that realizes all these things..
In my life, I just want to make Him happy. I want to have fun doing it, too! I might end up homeschooling my children. Not having the "perfect" better homes and gardens house. Not having a prada bag, or a brand new car off the showroom floor, or that new flatscreen 10' by 10' tv everyone is raving about. BUT on the other hand, I get the time with my family. And time with the Lord. And I get time to enjoy the blessings He has given me.
I was reading in this recipe book about priorities and this teacher had this glass jar and put a golfballs in it and asked the class if it was full. They said YES. Then he put pebbles in it... And then asked if it was full.. They said YES. He then put sone sand in there to fill the spaces between the pebbles and gold balls. And asked if they thought it was full.. They said YES! Then he put two cups of coffee in the jar and it was filled to the top.. the professor then went on to explain that all the elements in that jar were ourpriorities.. And the golf balls were supposed to be God, family, loved ones, etc... (and fun!!!) And the pebbles were the little things that don't matter as much but are necessary.. Such as work, payments, etc... The sand was those things that we need to fit in the spaces between the important things... TV and stuff that shouldn't be a priority. And then the professor said that if we were to put the priorities in backwards, (doing the not important things first) we wouldn't have any place to fit the big things (golf balls) such as God and familytime, in our lives..
Then some kid asked "what was the coffee for?" And the professor said with a smile, "It is to remind us that it doesn't hurt to have a couple cups of cofee with friends once in a while!"
It really put things into perspective for me. I think I finally have most of my priorities straight. Just keep praying that I continue to have this!
I mean I know somedays there will be obstacles and it will be hard to keep things right, but I feel like I am on the right track to doing so a majority of the time... Ya know?
And that's all anyone can ask for..
04 May, 2010
New acquaintances
.. so I am online just watching some "Office episodes" and this person comes on the online forum and starts talking about how their family has done missions and adopted a couple of kids from overseas.... And about how (her) family has gone on missions trips...
And we start talking and I opened up about YWAM and (she) said she was going to pray for me.. It was really cool to see that there are other christians out there who are willing to care about someone they don't even know! Just another daily reminder that God gives you little glimpses of people's lives so you can pray and care..
:-)
P.S. Elle successfully went "potty" on the "big girl chair" today!
And we start talking and I opened up about YWAM and (she) said she was going to pray for me.. It was really cool to see that there are other christians out there who are willing to care about someone they don't even know! Just another daily reminder that God gives you little glimpses of people's lives so you can pray and care..
:-)
P.S. Elle successfully went "potty" on the "big girl chair" today!
My daughter is growing up....
This morning Elle finally asked it... "Mommy, can I have big girl panties?"
I think she is growing way faster than I have realized. I am wondering if I have done the best job I could. I only have another two years or 1 1/2 to help train her personality... I read on a few sources that children's personalities are shaped by the time they are 5. And I don't have that much time! I guess I am just going to go about training her in prayer. And with reverence to God I will just keep the mindset that she isn't even my own- she is God's child and He let me be a glass to her from Him.. I am just a stepping stone in her (hopefully) end point of surrendering to Him as her father and savior. I guess that is the mindset I need to have...
Anyways, it was really cool (and scary!) to see her growing up a little more this morning...
I think she is growing way faster than I have realized. I am wondering if I have done the best job I could. I only have another two years or 1 1/2 to help train her personality... I read on a few sources that children's personalities are shaped by the time they are 5. And I don't have that much time! I guess I am just going to go about training her in prayer. And with reverence to God I will just keep the mindset that she isn't even my own- she is God's child and He let me be a glass to her from Him.. I am just a stepping stone in her (hopefully) end point of surrendering to Him as her father and savior. I guess that is the mindset I need to have...
Anyways, it was really cool (and scary!) to see her growing up a little more this morning...
03 May, 2010
I see the moon, the moon sees me...
....down through the leaves of the old oak tree. Please let the light that shines on me shine on the one I love!
Josiah taught me that song this weekend.
I was right. I do regret writing that blog. But I think maybe it is important to leave it there, because in 8 years when I read all these over again, I can remember last weekend. Because there were so many GOOD things about last weekend!
Anyways...
Yesterday Josiah and I and Elle all came to my parents' house. Well, first we went to church and (Josiah and myself) we saw my parents. My dad gave me a hug and I started crying in his shoulder. My mom gave me and J hugs and then my dad bought us donuts and we sat and chilled in the cafe at Constance. Then after that, (we skipped church. oops!) we went to my parents' house and Grant dropped Elle off. After a while, my parents talked to Josiah and me. We talked about everything and ended up getting in the same page. And they gave him their blessing and permission to date me... (!!!) Which is so exciting. I feel so much lifted off my chest, and it feels good to be open and have them knowing everything and everyone is on the same page.
The other night J and myself talked to Sharon in J&R's basement. She told us how she felt as well. And she said that Josiah absolutely needs to have a solid relationship with my dad... And that's what he is working on.
A lot of people have their opinions and when it comes right down to it, they are very valid opinions. But.. Josiah and myself are in prayer about our relationship and how to handle ourselves.. How to raise Elle, how to handle her and love her. And when push comes to shove, we feel like our decision is between us and God. And what is right for us may be weird for someone else... But- I believe that as long as we stay in prayer and really continue to seek God's will for us, we will be fine!!!!
I just want to present everything, all my frustrations, all my thoughts and feelings and emotions and actions to God right now.
Please help me to be the best parent I can right now and focus on things that matter. Help me to have my priorities straight. Thank you so much for loving me and forgiving us when we screw up. Thank you for your grace and for the way you take things and make them turn out so well!
Thank you for giving us the ability to love each other. Thank you for giving me such a great family and for giving me such a caring person who I get to spend the rest of my life with! thank you for EVERYTHING and please help me not to take it for granted.
My heart if so full right now...
Full of contentment and full of happiness, full of sureness that everything is going to work out great!!!!
Josiah taught me that song this weekend.
I was right. I do regret writing that blog. But I think maybe it is important to leave it there, because in 8 years when I read all these over again, I can remember last weekend. Because there were so many GOOD things about last weekend!
Anyways...
Yesterday Josiah and I and Elle all came to my parents' house. Well, first we went to church and (Josiah and myself) we saw my parents. My dad gave me a hug and I started crying in his shoulder. My mom gave me and J hugs and then my dad bought us donuts and we sat and chilled in the cafe at Constance. Then after that, (we skipped church. oops!) we went to my parents' house and Grant dropped Elle off. After a while, my parents talked to Josiah and me. We talked about everything and ended up getting in the same page. And they gave him their blessing and permission to date me... (!!!) Which is so exciting. I feel so much lifted off my chest, and it feels good to be open and have them knowing everything and everyone is on the same page.
The other night J and myself talked to Sharon in J&R's basement. She told us how she felt as well. And she said that Josiah absolutely needs to have a solid relationship with my dad... And that's what he is working on.
A lot of people have their opinions and when it comes right down to it, they are very valid opinions. But.. Josiah and myself are in prayer about our relationship and how to handle ourselves.. How to raise Elle, how to handle her and love her. And when push comes to shove, we feel like our decision is between us and God. And what is right for us may be weird for someone else... But- I believe that as long as we stay in prayer and really continue to seek God's will for us, we will be fine!!!!
I just want to present everything, all my frustrations, all my thoughts and feelings and emotions and actions to God right now.
Please help me to be the best parent I can right now and focus on things that matter. Help me to have my priorities straight. Thank you so much for loving me and forgiving us when we screw up. Thank you for your grace and for the way you take things and make them turn out so well!
Thank you for giving us the ability to love each other. Thank you for giving me such a great family and for giving me such a caring person who I get to spend the rest of my life with! thank you for EVERYTHING and please help me not to take it for granted.
My heart if so full right now...
Full of contentment and full of happiness, full of sureness that everything is going to work out great!!!!
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